My Dearest Alcoholic Mind
Today I am grateful for time with friends and family this weekend and a successful long training run for our upcoming marathon.
I am also deeply grateful for each day of sobriety and recovery that I get. On Sunday, I celebrated 27 years of continuous sobriety. It's an ongoing effort, thanks to a powerful and patient alcoholic mind.
Does the effort get easier? Maybe. But I can't and don't let my guard down, because that is just what my alcoholic mind wants me to do. That's the way back to a drink and despair. Daily work is required for a daily disease. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Hope remains as long as I work at it.
Boundless appreciation to all who have supported me and continue to support me in my recovery. Whether in recovery themselves or not, so many have taught me so much.
I write a poem each year on my sobriety anniversary. Here is the newest:
My Dearest Alcoholic Mind
I am also deeply grateful for each day of sobriety and recovery that I get. On Sunday, I celebrated 27 years of continuous sobriety. It's an ongoing effort, thanks to a powerful and patient alcoholic mind.
Does the effort get easier? Maybe. But I can't and don't let my guard down, because that is just what my alcoholic mind wants me to do. That's the way back to a drink and despair. Daily work is required for a daily disease. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Hope remains as long as I work at it.
Boundless appreciation to all who have supported me and continue to support me in my recovery. Whether in recovery themselves or not, so many have taught me so much.
I write a poem each year on my sobriety anniversary. Here is the newest:
My Dearest Alcoholic Mind
When
I first got drunk
And
found escape
I
was trapped
A
downward spiral
Gained
speed
My
mind was caught
In
chains unseen
The
heaviest and hardest
Chain
to break
Was
that of my own
Dearest
alcoholic mind
It
is cunning and patient
Persistent
and powerful
Everything
you wish
A
grave enemy wasn't
To
battle this foe required
Going
straight into enemy territory
I
first went in alone
An
easy target
Unable
to navigate deep trenches
Hidden
minefields and a sniper's accuracy
This
sniper was my own mind
Systematically
shooting down sanity
Reinforcing
my need for another drink
Convincing
me
That
my worst enemy was me
And
my best friend was alcohol
The
only way to win was to keep drinking
But
it didn't feel like victory at all
It
felt much more like despair and desperation
Scarred,
defeated, and ready to surrender
I
waved the white flag
And
felt chains loosen
What
my dearest alcoholic mind has
Is
a weak spot
For complete surrender
My
mind still wakes up each day
Primed
for battle
Carrying
weapons like self-pity and resentment
My
desire for recovery wakes up too
Ammunition
at the ready
Including ongoing surrender
Along with honesty and acceptance
Faith
and willingness
And a front line of gratitude
9/4/16 Marking
27 years of sobriety
Congratulations, Lisa! I know how hard you have had to fight the demon that alcohol can be. I am so proud of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa! It is not a fight I would stand a chance in if alone. Faith in a Higher Power and support from many others help make recovery possible - one day at a time. Onward!
DeleteAlways so proud of those who have fought the fight and continue. Yes, we all need that higher power and others who will support us. I too, have to deal with so much in my life - one day at a time.
DeleteThanks Lana. I appreciate this quote: "Life is hard by the yard, but by the inch it's a cinch." Maybe not a cinch, but easier in daily or hourly chunks ☮
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