Vigilance Against the Vultures and Clowns
Today I am grateful for progress that comes in many forms, and for coworkers and the ways we support one another professionally as well as personally.
I also fully appreciate the time I spend around other recovering alcoholics and the wisdom and grace shared. One of my friends recently gave some fitting terms and images to my overthinking, overactive alcoholic mind. He used these phrases: "The vulture on the headboard" and "There are plenty of clowns in my head and I can't tell the difference between the good ones and the bad ones."
Yep, I can relate. Real well. The vultures and clowns that carry the evil of addiction remain nearby, lurking regardless of how long someone has been clean and sober. They are pesky on a good day and downright poisonous on a bad day.
That vulture becomes human-sized if fed the thoughts it likes to devour. The evil clowns can become more sadistic when provoked. And for some reason, the alcoholics and addicts I know, myself included, are prone to feeding the dangerous thoughts. It is our cunning disease trying to pull us back in.
Even if it doesn't lead to a drink or a drug, it can lead to plenty of problems and pain, and not just for us. Those around us, those we care about the most, also bear the brunt.
So we talked about the need for vigilance on a daily basis. It is the heart of our recovery work to stay on track, keep the demons down, in 24-hour segments. "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." When I first heard that line it made me angry. I wanted to be able to control my drinking, and plenty of other things about my life.
Now it serves as a helpful reminder to do the daily work that recovery from my daily disease requires. That daily work keeps the vultures and clowns in their place, and provides the extra help I need on the tough days when my mind is out to get me.
A sincere thanks to all my recovery friends and what they share with me. It is all very helpful.
I also fully appreciate the time I spend around other recovering alcoholics and the wisdom and grace shared. One of my friends recently gave some fitting terms and images to my overthinking, overactive alcoholic mind. He used these phrases: "The vulture on the headboard" and "There are plenty of clowns in my head and I can't tell the difference between the good ones and the bad ones."
Yep, I can relate. Real well. The vultures and clowns that carry the evil of addiction remain nearby, lurking regardless of how long someone has been clean and sober. They are pesky on a good day and downright poisonous on a bad day.
That vulture becomes human-sized if fed the thoughts it likes to devour. The evil clowns can become more sadistic when provoked. And for some reason, the alcoholics and addicts I know, myself included, are prone to feeding the dangerous thoughts. It is our cunning disease trying to pull us back in.
Even if it doesn't lead to a drink or a drug, it can lead to plenty of problems and pain, and not just for us. Those around us, those we care about the most, also bear the brunt.
So we talked about the need for vigilance on a daily basis. It is the heart of our recovery work to stay on track, keep the demons down, in 24-hour segments. "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." When I first heard that line it made me angry. I wanted to be able to control my drinking, and plenty of other things about my life.
Now it serves as a helpful reminder to do the daily work that recovery from my daily disease requires. That daily work keeps the vultures and clowns in their place, and provides the extra help I need on the tough days when my mind is out to get me.
A sincere thanks to all my recovery friends and what they share with me. It is all very helpful.
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