"In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy." Brother David Steindl-Rast

Monday, July 25, 2016

Good Miles, Bad Miles

Today I am grateful for our son Sam's health. He had his well-child check and physical a few days ago. I am always relieved when things check out okay. And I am grateful for time with our grandson Leo and witnessing how he experiences the world.

I am also grateful for wisdom shared by others. One of my recovery friends, with many years of sobriety, was just talking about having "good miles and bad miles" over the years.

I would be lying if I said I never had any good miles in my using days. There were fun times and laughter. There was escape from worry and fear. There were hilarious memories. But most of those came before alcohol got a stranglehold on me-which really didn't take long.

Today when I think of good miles, I first go to all the running miles I have logged. Some have been easier and more enjoyable, others more difficult. They have all been good miles. I am deeply grateful for the thousands of miles I have logged, solo and with my husband and others, and humbly grateful to continue adding them up.

When I think of bad miles, I think of the miles I drove when I should not have been driving. Or the miles my mind traveled in the worst of my self-pity. I survived and got on a better path.

Those bad miles are part of my journey, but I am glad they are mostly in my rearview mirror today.

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