Hangovers and Blackouts

Today I am grateful for my husband Darcy, our marriage, and our healthy communication. I am also grateful for the sunrise this morning.

Celebrating an anniversary of another year in recovery this past week, I reflected back on the days when I was drinking. I wasn't a daily drinker. Being an alcoholic isn't as much about how often you drink as it is what happens to you when you drink. What happened to me often were two unpleasant experiences: hangovers and blackouts. Hangovers were about physical discomfort, blackouts were more of the mental torture variety.

Neither kept me from continuing to drink. But both scared me as they worsened and became more frequent. It took concern from others and what I consider some divine intervention to start me on the path of recovery. I am forever grateful for the people and circumstances that combined to get me started in sobriety. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I was shown a way out. It remains my path today. It is a daily path because alcoholism and all addictions are daily diseases. There is no cure, only recovery.

I used to run off hangovers and drink cold Mountain Dews to help me feel better. I would improve physically over the course of that next day. There was no real relief from the blackouts, however, and the paranoia that would sometimes follow in the aftermath. Wondering what I did was hell. Beating myself up for my stupidity, my continuing inability to control my drinking, was also inevitable.

Hangovers and blackouts weren't enough to get me to quit drinking, but they sure helped me get to a place where I realized how sick I was and that I needed help. They served their purpose in that respect. Sobriety and recovery have brought me gifts beyond measure. No longer experiencing hangovers or blackouts are a couple of those gifts.

Gratitude practice and recovery work go hand in hand for me. They keep me on the right path, just for today.


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