13.1

Today I am grateful for the breast cancer support group I attend and the inspiring women I see there.
I am also grateful for the inspiration provided by good memories.

One such good memory took place on May 17, 2009. I ran the Apple Blossom Half-Marathon (13.1 miles in case you are wondering) that makes it's way through apple orchard country near where we live. It wasn't my first half-marathon, nor my last. But it was the first one after my breast cancer surgeries and treatment. Exactly five months to the day since my mastectomies. My first public run as a flat-chested double amputee.

I felt so good to be out there, but a little self-conscious too. I had on a pink shirt and a hat with a pink ribbon on it just to offer a silent explanation to anyone who took notice. I wasn't yet at the place of self-acceptance that I am now at. I was energized and overwhelmed with emotions. . .especially around mile 12, when a wave of anger hit me. Anger at what cancer had done to me and taken from me. But it was quickly replaced by a huge surge of gratitude and peace . . . to be healthy and running, to be alive. I will never forget that half-marathon. Here is a poem I wrote two weeks before I ran it:

Unfettered

Arms pumping

Legs churning
Endorphin onslaught
Clear head
Exhilirated spirit

Flat-chested

And free
Running free
Cancer-free

Unfettered

Past experiences
Past pains
Past fears
Past chains
Surrounding
My view of
My physical self

Faced

And cut loose
Unfettered

The breadth
And depth
Of this new
Freedom
Has permeated
My post-cancer
Body
And soul

Finally

Unfettered

 

At the 13.1 miles in a full marathon, we have reached the halfway point. It is a good psychological boost for me to reach that point and think "it's all downhill from here" in terms of each step past the halfway point is that much closer to the finish. But I still conserve my energy because a lot of road lies ahead.

One step at a time. We get there.