"In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy." Brother David Steindl-Rast

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Ego of a Different Kind

Today I am grateful for a walk with my friend Paula last evening and for the sweet and juicy grapefruits I have enjoyed each evening this week as Darcy and I do a 5-day cleanse.

The other day I wrote about hatred and how I am a person who has turned far more hate inward than I ever have outward. One of the key points of clarity I have gained in my efforts to have ongoing recovery from alcoholism is that arrogance and ego take on many forms, all of which deny and limit spiritual growth.

I used to define arrogance and ego as a person thinking and feeling they are better than others. How could I be arrogant and full of ego when I hated myself? Today, I understand it as thinking about ourselves too much, regardless of whether those thoughts are positive or negative. Feeling better than or less than are both forms of ego.

When I realized that and internalized it, I started to make some progress in recovery and I started to grow spiritually. It has made all the difference.

I heard a speaker put it this way once, and the phrase always brings a smile to my face:

"I may not be much, but I'm all I think about sometimes." 

Herein lies the power of gratitude practice. It not only helps me see that I am not being being picked on by divine powers of the universe, it gets me out of myself and the limitations of an inflated ego.

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