A Collection of Scars

Today I am grateful for good music and working ears to listen to it. I am also grateful for time with recovery friends yesterday and good reminders to keep working on faith and growth.

It may sound a little strange, but I am grateful for my scars too. They are a part of me. The scar from my most recent surgery is healing nicely. It is the latest addition to my collection of scars, some gained through accidents and fun, some gained through tough times and tough decisions.

One of the accident/fun ones includes the scar across the bridge of my nose, gained when I was a sophomore in high school, playing basketball. I went for a loose ball and collided with an opponent doing the same thing. Others include the several on my knees, gained from bike falls on gravel or from not quite knowing how to slide properly in softball. They have mostly faded now. But they are still noticeable and the memories still appreciated.

This latest scar is only about 3 inches long and is in my lower right abdomen/groin area. It is still relatively new and will no doubt evolve over the next weeks and months. I will pay attention, but only a reasonable amount of attention. This was an easy chapter in my medical history. Me and my 48-year-old cancer patient body have been through far tougher times.

I don't say that lightly. My scars, particularly my mastectomy scars and the much smaller ones from the accompanying drain tubes, are a significant part of my story, including my arrival at self-acceptance of a body I always considered flawed and less than attractive. Oddly enough, I have a better acceptance of my body now, after having parts removed, than I did for most of my life. You may or may not understand that, but for me it has to do with respecting my body for bringing me here, respecting it for the strength and determination it showed in the midst of cancer treatment and surgeries and continues to show as I train for marathon #11.

A collection of scars. A collection of memories to go with them. And a collection of gratitude to be able to reflect on both pleasant and painful times and keep them all in perspective.

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