Quitter
Today I am grateful for my sister Danita, on this, her birthday and for the opportunity my son Sam has to try wrestling this season. I am also grateful that I no longer smoke.
The same day I saw the eagles soaring, and in the same area, I also encountered a man who asked me if he could borrow a cigarette. I was happy to say "Sorry, I don't smoke." If I did smoke, I may have given him a cigarette, to help out a fellow smoker. It brought back my deep sense of gratitude for being able to quit smoking myself.
I was never a heavy smoker, but smoked some for about 12 years, from late in high school until I was 30 or so. I started smoking when I was drinking. They went well together in my book. Many times, I would buy a pack of cigarettes when I got drunk, smoke a bunch, then get mad at myself and toss the rest out the car window.
When I quit drinking, I kept smoking. I have known many alcoholics who had a tougher time quitting smoking than drinking, in terms of the physical cravings. Nicotine addiction is strong and I know many people who have tried to quit time and time again and not been able to stay quit. I worry about friends and others who smoke. Many people I knew and worked with never would have guessed I smoked. I felt like a hypocrite as a coach. But I was hooked. I would smoke in my car, my apartment, and some social situations. That's when restaurants still had smoking sections. I still sometimes crave a cigarette after a nice meal or with dessert.
I wanted to quit smoking for the obvious health reasons, but also because I was addicted. A counselor I worked with suggested that as long as I had an active addiction I wouldn't get to the bottom of some of my "stuff." Addictions hide our true selves, our true emotions, or at least part of them. So I tried to quit on and off for years. Only when I tried prayer was I successful. I prayed every day for a full year for the courage and strength to quit smoking. Then I tried one more time to quit and I was successful. Thanks for the help Higher Power!
I know today that I can't be a recreational smoker, like my husband who will have a cigar a few times a year. Like I can't have one drink, I can't have one puff. I am so grateful I don't smoke anymore. On this issue, I am happy to be a quitter.
The same day I saw the eagles soaring, and in the same area, I also encountered a man who asked me if he could borrow a cigarette. I was happy to say "Sorry, I don't smoke." If I did smoke, I may have given him a cigarette, to help out a fellow smoker. It brought back my deep sense of gratitude for being able to quit smoking myself.
I was never a heavy smoker, but smoked some for about 12 years, from late in high school until I was 30 or so. I started smoking when I was drinking. They went well together in my book. Many times, I would buy a pack of cigarettes when I got drunk, smoke a bunch, then get mad at myself and toss the rest out the car window.
When I quit drinking, I kept smoking. I have known many alcoholics who had a tougher time quitting smoking than drinking, in terms of the physical cravings. Nicotine addiction is strong and I know many people who have tried to quit time and time again and not been able to stay quit. I worry about friends and others who smoke. Many people I knew and worked with never would have guessed I smoked. I felt like a hypocrite as a coach. But I was hooked. I would smoke in my car, my apartment, and some social situations. That's when restaurants still had smoking sections. I still sometimes crave a cigarette after a nice meal or with dessert.
I wanted to quit smoking for the obvious health reasons, but also because I was addicted. A counselor I worked with suggested that as long as I had an active addiction I wouldn't get to the bottom of some of my "stuff." Addictions hide our true selves, our true emotions, or at least part of them. So I tried to quit on and off for years. Only when I tried prayer was I successful. I prayed every day for a full year for the courage and strength to quit smoking. Then I tried one more time to quit and I was successful. Thanks for the help Higher Power!
I know today that I can't be a recreational smoker, like my husband who will have a cigar a few times a year. Like I can't have one drink, I can't have one puff. I am so grateful I don't smoke anymore. On this issue, I am happy to be a quitter.
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