"Not Running Any Races"

Living gratefully today, I give thanks for my sense of taste and the pumpkin spice coffee it is helping me enjoy in this moment. I appreciate recent conversations with family and friends. 

I called my mom over the weekend and as we began our conversation, I asked her how she was doing. Her reply was "Well, I'm not running any races, but pretty good." It made me smile. Mom hasn't been one to race through life, but she has done plenty of long-hauling. 

I think of her pregnancies, her grief as a widow, and her writing and faith practices as some of the long hauls in her life. Some of the roads have been bumpy and exhausting, others smoother and fortifying, some plenty of both. But that is me putting emotions to my mother's life experiences. 

Her thoughts and feelings were often a mystery to me. If asked now, her answer to any question can become a repeat, a ramble or a tangent. She can seem calm or agitated, coherent or not. She's not running any races, but she still walks around her locked-down nursing home. At least, that's what we hear. None of her children or grandchildren have been inside to see her since February. 

She's on the homestretch to the finish line, but we don't know exactly where that line is and when she'll arrive. For now, we appreciate the types of conversations and visits we can have. 

"Not running any races" holds additional meaning for me as a runner. I had already decided I wasn't running any more full marathons before the pandemic threw a wrench into road races all over the place. That would have been an added layer of loss for me, and my runner's heart goes out to all who dreamed of their first 5K or their 50th marathon this year. 

Since 2004, this time of the year has been marathon season for my husband Darcy and I. Not anymore. I so appreciate that it is still running season for me, and that Darcy is healing from some foot pain he is having. 

"Not running any races" today, but I do plan to contribute positively a moment at a time, a step at a time.