May of 1985
Today I am grateful for little reminders of recovery wisdom as I move through my days. I am also grateful for cool breezes on warm days.
In recent Mays I have been thinking more about May of 2008. That is when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. But May of 1985 is also significant in my life's experience. It was in early May of that year, while finishing up my sophomore year of college, that I had friends share their concern for my drinking. It wasn't the first time concern had been expressed to me. And I certainly had my own concerns. It was the first time, however, that I actually did something with that concern.
The semester had ended and having a party was appropriate. Getting very drunk before nightfall wasn't. I know my friends Deb and Zoe tried to talk to me that night. I blogged about Deb, who I refer to as "Lifesaver #2" in this post. I very much appreciate what Deb and Zoe both did for me at that time. It took strength and courage to confront me and I am so glad they did. Although I didn't remain sober for good at that time, their concern got a ball rolling that eventually led me to a place where I more fully understood that I needed ongoing help. Thank you so much Deb and Zoe!
They also knew that I probably wouldn't remember them talking to me that drunken night, so the next morning after I woke up on my dorm room floor, they shared their concerns again and encouraged me to get help. They had witnessed enough of my drinking and the emotional mess it made me. For the first time, I went to see a substance abuse professional. He told me I definitely had a problem and suggested treatment. But he never actually called me an alcoholic in our conversation.
By the time I was back on campus talking with Deb and Zoe, I needed to know: "Am I an alcoholic?" I called this man back and asked him, he said "Yes, you are an alcoholic." I didn't like hearing that. It sounded so serious, like a weakness, so final. I certainly didn't understand the disease of alcoholism at that point and had much to learn. I told this counselor that I thought I could stop on my own. I proceeded to try that. It didn't work, but it was an important experiment in my drinking career.
More on that tomorrow. For today, I am thankful for Zoe and Deb and others who shared their concerns. It all helped me find the help I needed then and continue to need now. It has made all the difference.
In recent Mays I have been thinking more about May of 2008. That is when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. But May of 1985 is also significant in my life's experience. It was in early May of that year, while finishing up my sophomore year of college, that I had friends share their concern for my drinking. It wasn't the first time concern had been expressed to me. And I certainly had my own concerns. It was the first time, however, that I actually did something with that concern.
The semester had ended and having a party was appropriate. Getting very drunk before nightfall wasn't. I know my friends Deb and Zoe tried to talk to me that night. I blogged about Deb, who I refer to as "Lifesaver #2" in this post. I very much appreciate what Deb and Zoe both did for me at that time. It took strength and courage to confront me and I am so glad they did. Although I didn't remain sober for good at that time, their concern got a ball rolling that eventually led me to a place where I more fully understood that I needed ongoing help. Thank you so much Deb and Zoe!
They also knew that I probably wouldn't remember them talking to me that drunken night, so the next morning after I woke up on my dorm room floor, they shared their concerns again and encouraged me to get help. They had witnessed enough of my drinking and the emotional mess it made me. For the first time, I went to see a substance abuse professional. He told me I definitely had a problem and suggested treatment. But he never actually called me an alcoholic in our conversation.
By the time I was back on campus talking with Deb and Zoe, I needed to know: "Am I an alcoholic?" I called this man back and asked him, he said "Yes, you are an alcoholic." I didn't like hearing that. It sounded so serious, like a weakness, so final. I certainly didn't understand the disease of alcoholism at that point and had much to learn. I told this counselor that I thought I could stop on my own. I proceeded to try that. It didn't work, but it was an important experiment in my drinking career.
More on that tomorrow. For today, I am thankful for Zoe and Deb and others who shared their concerns. It all helped me find the help I needed then and continue to need now. It has made all the difference.
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