Habitual Gratitude

  Here is my second installment of "Celebrating the Ordinary" started by Marie at   http://journeyingbeyondbreastcancer.com/2012/08/31/celebrating-the-ordinary-day-six/   Even if I didn't get to it each day, I love the idea and I love the energy it has created in the blogging world.  See AnneMarie's incredible posts, including today's, at   ht tp://chemo-brain.blogspot.com/2012_08_01_archive.html She talks a lot about the synchronicity going on. I believed it even more when I saw Jan's post from today at http://janhasak.com/blog/?m=201208 That was after I had taken the picture above, but before I posted it and before I saw a similar picture on Jan's post. These various stones and shells sit on a lamp table near my computer and near where much of my blogging takes place. Some have been bought at special places as I traveled or been given to me by others, while some have been gathered on beaches in California and elsewhere. You can se...

Today I am grateful for time with my son Sam yesterday and for his laughter as we watched a Paranorman matinee. I am also grateful for heat without the humidity. Back to line 2 of the Ten Things to Always Remember and One Thing to Never Forget quote: "You're truly one of a kind." Many random thoughts come to mind as I ponder that line. I guess I'll just let them flow out as they will. *I used to feel "one of a kind" in a negative-poor Lisa-no one understands my pain kind of way. That did nothing but compound my self-pity and isolate me. *Today I feel the "one of a kind" that allows me to appreciate my unique gifts and experiences and how I can share them with others. *If we all see each other as special and "one of a kind" in our own ways, we will likely be kinder, gentler, and more tolerant of one another. And also see our loved ones for the real gifts they are. With our flaws come our special features too. *Nature is so awe-...

Today I am grateful for time with my sister Aileen on both ends of her recent trip. I am also grateful for discussions on meditation with three different people recently. My meditative practices are more of the "moving meditation" variety, but it all reminds me to slow down and cleanse my thoughts. And it fits with #1 from yesterday's quote:  Your presence is a present to the world. This seems particularly important in the harried and hurried world we often find ourselves in. We are plugged in to technology more than we are plugged in to one another. Taking the time to listen and be there for other people like family, friends, and co-workers really is a gift.  I wrote an essay a couple of years ago that ended up being my first paid and published piece. It was in the Minneapolis Star Tribune in December of 2010 with the title "Slow down, you move too fast" and it fits very well with today's topic, so here it is: Make Your Presence a Present     ...

Today I am grateful for my reading light and a good pile of books to be delving into. Too bad I usually fall asleep after a few paragraphs. I am also grateful for phone conversations with my friend Jenny and my sisters Zita and Mary Jo. I appreciate being able to spend a few minutes with them and staying in touch. I came across this quote on a bookmark when I was going through some books I had set aside for a time. It certainly gives me plenty to ponder and many lessons about gratitude: Ten Things to Always Remember . . . and One Thing to Never Forget 1. Your presence is a present to the world. 2. You're truly one of a kind. 3. Your life can be what you want it to be. 4. Take the days one at a time. 5. Count your blessings, not your troubles. 6. You'll make it through whatever comes along. 7. Within you are so many answers. 8. Have courage. 9. Be strong. 10. Wish upon a star. And don't ever forget how very special you are.       ...

Today I am grateful for my job and for the variety of people and experiences I encounter there. I am also grateful for my husband and the level of understanding we share. This journey into the blogosphere continues to be interesting and inspiring. I wish I had more time to read other people's blogs and comment on them, but I do the best I can. It's a bit of a leap for me to post comments on other blogs, but I push myself to do it. If I want people to post comments on mine, I need to know how it feels and how it works. I am "meeting" some good people and making some connections through the blogosphere that I wouldn't be making any other way. Onward and upward!  I would love to hear from any of you out there taking a gander at my ramblings from time to time.

  As I get more connected in the blogosphere, I come across wonderful ideas, like this one from Marie on her blog Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer ( http://journeyingbeyondbreastcancer.com ) Check out her Celebrating the Ordinary posts. Here is my photo contribution. These are my feet. They are not pretty feet, but they do a great job. They are four weeks away from carrying me to the starting line of marathon #10.  Notice the band-aid on one toe?  That's from a blister I got from the shoes I wore to my nephew's wedding this weekend. My feet are not perfect, but they are mine. Just like my mastectomy scars. They are part of who I am and they define me. They define me as someone who feels deeply blessed to be alive and running marathons. Today I celebrate my ordinary feet. I also recall my running mantra at the height of all things cancer. I directed this mantra to any cancer cells in my body:  "I have run hundreds and thousands of miles, millions of st...

Today I am grateful for the fresh air coming through the open windows after a warm and humid day yesterday. I'm also grateful for the fresh start to a new day and a new school year. My nephew and his new wife have a fresh start to their married life. Their wedding day and celebration were very nice. I had a pleasant time with family and friends and even got a few dances in. (Although my husband and I got too tired before a slow song came along for us.) New students arrive at the school I work at today, to begin a fresh chapter in their educational journey. Some will be nervous, some excited, some plenty of both. It is always a gift to feel all of that energy as a new school year gets underway. Gratitude affords me a feeling of fresh starts every day. When I am grateful for the little things, they don't get old and stale, they stay new and fresh. It's only when I forget to be thankful that I take things for granted and they start to feel run-of-the-mill. Give a fresh...

Today I am grateful to have strategies like the one below to help me keep my gratitude practice moving along daily: My sister Aileen- her safe travels from Alaska, her sense of humor, a walk together My nephew Dalton and his fiance Megan- the love they share and the exciting anticipation of a life together, a happy event to bring family and freinds together, I was there for his baptism and I get to be there for his wedding tomorrow Our dog Oliver- how he wins over visitors quickly, his cute little bandannas after a trip to the groomer, the way he sighs when he lays down 3 x 3 = 9 things that already have my gratitude level on the upswing this morning. Because of that wedding, I will be taking a blog break for a couple days. Onward!

Today I am grateful for my siblings. They are a diverse group of decent and kind people. I look forward to seeing many of them at my nephew's wedding this weekend. I am also grateful that Darcy, Sam, and I are part of the DVD project "Voices of Hope: Family and Friends."  The DVD is a follow-up to Voices of Hope which I was in 2 1/2 years ago with 11 other breast cancer survivors. The DVD goes to newly diagnosed women and nearly 6000 copies have been distributed.  It became clear that a companion piece for the caregivers, family and friends of cancer patients, would be valuable.  Thirty-four subjects were part of interviews in May. The producers and videographer had over 25 hours of footage to work with to create about a 25-minute DVD. This week there have been three rough cut screenings of the DVD to get input and see what final tweaks can be done. I went to two of those screenings. I don't know how they do it, but the artistry and flow created by the three peo...

Today I am grateful for my job and the spirited co-workers I have. I am also grateful for sore muscles. They remind me of how grateful I am to be able-bodied. In my Bitter or Better post a couple days ago, I talked about one of the keys to the power of gratitude. I cannot feel gratitude and self-pity at the same time, so if I choose gratitude, I do much better. Delving further into the bitter vs. better idea, it's all about appreciating what I do have instead of dwelling on what I don't have. I appreciate the working body I have. I don't dwell on the scars, blemishes and imperfections that keep me from an ideal body. I am just glad to be healthy and whole in the true sense of the word. That's just one of many examples. Another good one is that practicing gratitude shows me the riches of my five senses and literally and figuratively to "stop and smell the roses." Wishing I had more or wishing I had something I don't have basically blinds me to what ...

Today I am grateful to be part of the Voices of Hope DVD project. More on that later in the week. I am also grateful for acceptance of life on life's terms. At least more acceptance than I used to be able to muster. A couple weeks ago the right blinker (you might call in a turn signal) on the car my step-daughter Emily drives went out. She was under a time constraint and needed it fixed. I was able to help out and take it to get fixed. It didn't take long at all and I wasn't late for the meeting I had planned that morning. A brief stressor was removed in short order. Yesterday I was on my way home from work and Emily called. This time the left blinker had gone out and again she was under a time constraint. Could I help her out?  Well, I could and I did. I appreciate that our "car shop" worked us in quickly too. When I got that call yesterday, I was running late, tired, had a lot on my mind. But when she called I just chuckled. Two blinkers out in two wee...

Today I am grateful for the student group I work with at school, and for my co-advisor, the parents, and the good speaker we had last evening at an event. I am also grateful for the continuing reminders I get about the utter futility of self-pity. I fell into the trap of resentments, expectations, and fears for a few days last week and that ultimately led to some self-pity. I used to be quite comfortable in self-pity. It's also why I used to like to drink a lot. Gratitude is the best antidote for self-pity and the best lesson I have learned is that I can't feel sorry for myself and be grateful at the same time. Put a different way, do I want to stay bitter or do I want to feel better? Today I choose gratitude and feeling better.

Today I am grateful for a good training run yesterday and for a low-key day before a busy week begins. Our training run went well. I ran for 4 hours and 15 minutes and covered 20 + miles. I feel ready for the Omaha Marathon. Five weeks from this morning will be marathon morning. Call me crazy, but this is about the time I start getting fired up. I never dread my training runs, and I don't find it hard to get motivated to get out there and start. But I keep my excitement in check until the actual marathon gets closer. I think many things contribute to the growing excitement: -training that has gone well and has me feeling prepared -pleasant memories of previous marathons -pure gratitude that I am healthy and can run -more gratitude that Darcy and I do this "hobby" together -endorphins -a goal within sight -the fact that this will be our 10th marathon I'm even grateful for the sore and achy muscles this morning. They aren't that bad, and a walk with Oli...

Today I am grateful for the conversation I got to have with my friend Jill yesterday. "Keepin' it real" is what makes our friendship so genuine and so important to me. Thanks Jill! I am also grateful for the finds I made yesterday at our local library's book sale. I was perusing box after box of non-fiction titles when I found a treasure!  It was a copy of Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.   I have read it before, but have already started reading it again. I also grabbed a copy of Anna Quindlen's Being Perfect. I read it in about fifteen minutes. It's a thought-provoking little book with intriguing pictures and lines like "And eventually being perfect became like carrying a backpack filled with bricks every single day. And oh, how I wanted to lay my burden down . . .If you have been trying to be perfect, too, then perhaps today is the day to put down that backpack before you develop permanent curvature of the spiri...

Today I am grateful for my job and the many varied people I come into contact with there. I am also grateful for working ears to listen to the music I love. On my way home from work yesterday, I heard the song "Love is Like Oxygen" by Sweet (a.k.a. The Sweet). As a music lover, especially rock, I loved that song when it came out in 1978. I was 13. I thank my older siblings for turning me on to some good music as I grew up listening to what they were listening to. Favorite lines: Love is like oxygen You get too much, you get too high Not enough and you're gonna die Love gets you high At 13, I wondered what it would feel like to fall in love. At 47, I know that love comes from many sources and takes many forms. I am blessed to love and be loved. I just had to go to YouTube and listen to the song again. That led me to other Sweet songs. My favorite probably is "Fox on the Run," but "Ballroom Blitz" and "Little Willy" were good ones ...

Today I am grateful for the breeze that kept the bugs off and brought cooler, drier air back. I am also grateful for my hair stylist Lori. Lori paid me a big compliment yesterday. We were talking about this blog and she went on to say that a few days ago, struck by a moment of gratitude she said to herself  "There's a Lisa." You mean my words have motivated others to think more about gratitude? Wow! Powerful and humbling! I have moved several times in my adult life and only had one other regular stylist over those years. Tracy was a school friend and I went to her when I lived in the area where I grew up, or was able to get back there regularly. Otherwise I bounced around and went wherever was convenient, including the first couple years we lived here. Then I decided I deserved a stylist of my own that I could go to regularly and get to know and trust. I went to a place I could walk to from where we lived at the time and met Lori. We have both relocated since, and go...

Today I am grateful for a run with Darcy as daylight arrived this morning. I am also grateful for the Little Raiders football program and that Sam is excited to be starting practices. On our run this morning, Darcy and I saw this on the sign outside the church not too far down the road from us:  "God loves you whether you like it or not."  That struck me. God is the constant. I am the one who waffles. There are days and moments I don't feel or act very lovable, but my Higher Power hangs in there until I come back around and feel some grace and worthiness. I guess the same could be said for gratitude: "Gratitude works whether you like it or not." On those days I am not feeling very blessed or appreciative, I can still take the actions of practicing gratitude. It may not totally remove the crunkiness, but it certainly slows the downward spiral at the least. It works. It really does.

Today I am grateful for the smell of bacon and for Oliver's wagging tail. Yesterday's post "Staying Power" leads me to today's "Staying Present." Part of my challenge when it comes to staying grateful is that when I start to worry, get fearful, or feel overwhelmed, gratitude and thankful contemplation go right out the window. I will be remorseful over something that has already happened and can't be changed. Or I will start to worry about someone I care about or a situation. Or I will start thinking of everything that needs to get done and a feeling of overwhelming busy-ness will come over me. Gratitude doesn't stand much of a chance in such an environment. So where's the hope?  The hope lies in staying present to this moment. And present runs the gamut of physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If I can take life one moment at a time, one hour at a time, I don't tend to get behind or ahead of myself. It goes back to t...

Today I am grateful for a cool and cloudy day yesterday-a nice prelude to fall. It included a pleasant outdoor service and potluck with our church congregation, a bike ride with my son and husband, and a lovely and much-needed nap. I am also grateful for my sister Aileen and her writing talents. Following is a poem written by her, which she titled Poem One. Poem One Decide today will be day of gratitude will glide blissfully buoyed by transformative power of giving thanks. Will appreciate everything including chores as a gift and opportunity. And then four seconds later I forget that it’s all a blessing and my brand-new gratitude ship sinks faster than Titanic. She says it so well. This gratitude practice can be downright challenging. Daily work is needed to provide staying power for the thankful contemplation that helps us see ourselves and our surrounding world in a more positive frame. My default mode for so many years was negativity and self-pity. I ha...

Today I am grateful for an early morning walk with Oliver and my tired, sore legs. We all feel better now (Oliver, my legs, and I.)  I am also grateful for my last drunk on August 12, 1989. That last drunk was not pretty. I don't remember a considerable chunk of it because I blacked out. (Just in case you don't know the difference--passing out means you have fallen asleep, or are so drunk that you are down for the count. In a blackout, you are still awake and taking actions, but you don't recall those actions. Blackouts could accurately be described as alcohol-induced amnesia.) Blackouts are both a blessing and a curse. I was a blackout drinker and that created pure mental torture the next day when I tried to connect the dots. The blessing part is that I don't have recollections of my sick, alcoholic behavior on some of those nights, or just brief glimpses, which was more than enough. August 12, 1989 was wedding day for my cousin who was marrying my long-time school...

Today I am grateful for wisdom and support in recovery from alcoholism . . . from others walking the same path. I am also grateful for coolness that required a sweatshirt yesterday morning. And one more thing to be grateful for: The Dakota County Fair. Arguably, this blog effort has enhanced  my level of day-to-day gratitude. That is a really cool thing!  That positive perception thing I mention? It is playing out for me and it did yesterday. I could have been tired and crabby and noticed the downside of an event like a crowded, noisy, smelly fair. Instead, I kept getting hit by little shots of gratitude that added up to a "fair" amount of gratitude. An older couple walking by holding hands. The tempting smells of food you only find at the fair. Seeing a friend. Witnessing a young boy get off of a midway ride and announce to his family with a big smile on his face "That was awesome!" My son having a buddy to run with. Pleasant co-workers and customers at the 4-H...

Today I am grateful for my doctor and grateful to have both the trip to the dentist and the doctor out of the way for a chunk of time. (I hope at least. I'll take the status quo in these two areas.) I have had the same doctor since we moved to town 12 years ago. Because of moves and such, that is the longest I have had the same doctor. She also delivered Sam and has been his doctor. After having male doctors, I intentionally looked for a female. I trust her and I am comfortable with her. I hope you all feel that way about your doctor and the others on your "medical team." (By the way, I like my dentist too.) My doctor knows my history, and she takes time to answer my questions. She played a part in my breast cancer being found when it was. I had a "normal" mammogram in April of 2008. Knowing my family history of BC and discussing that and my dense breast tissue with the radiologist, they recommended an MRI. (MRI's were starting to be used more to screen ...

Today I am grateful that Sam and I had good check-ups at the dentist and don't need to go back for six months. I am also grateful for the many spiritual teachers in my life . . . those I know personally and those who reach me through their work. Anne Lamott reaches me through her books. Her and I have a couple things in common, besides obvious good taste in name selection for our sons. Both sober for over 20 years, and both continually on a quest for spiritual growth and guidance. A spiritual journey isn't meant to be taken alone, at least not all of it. I appreciate that Lamott allows readers along on her journey . . . sometimes she is slogging through the mud and sometimes she is soaring in the majestic blue skies, just like the rest of us. When I laugh outloud at her words, it is because she has captured the human imperfection I am afflicted with and can so relate to. Here is a line from Bird By Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life: "Perfect...

Today I am grateful for a walk with my friend yesterday. Our pace was quick and our conversation genuine. I am also grateful for the writing group that I attended last night. It is the third time I have gone and I hope to continue. I prefer time to myself and prefer to write in solitude, so this is a good way for me to branch out and grow in ways I might otherwise miss. And this morning I also appreciate the sight that caught my eye when I walked out in our backyard earlier. I was taking down our patio umbrellas in anticipation of some rain. I noticed a stunning and grand blossom in our flower garden. I don't know the name of the flower, but the blossom is a good 6 inches in diameter, light pink on the petals with a deeper red in the center. When we moved to this house, we were the beneficiaries of the work of a master gardener. She planted beautiful combinations that always seemed to have something blooming and lots of color variety. My husband Darcy has tended the gardens i...

Today I am grateful for an early morning run with Darcy and for good reminders of how fortunate I am to be sober, and to have survived my drinking days. I am also grateful for the work of Anne Lamott. If I could only read books by one author the rest of my life, I would pick Anne Lamott. I am particularly fond of her non-fiction. This includes the following titles: Operating Instructions: A Journal Of My Son’s First Year .  Bird by Bird : Some Instructions on Writing and Life .  Traveling Mercies : Some Thoughts on Faith .  Plan B : Further Thoughts on Faith .  Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith .  Some Assembly Required: A Journal of My Son's First Son . I just finished her most recent book (last on the above list) and have read all the others, some more than once. They hit home where it counts most-my heart and soul. Anne Lamott says: "I try to write the books I would love to come upon, that are honest, concerned with real liv...

Today I am grateful for a nice evening for the first of Hastings' August outdoor summer concert series and for the music of the River Valley Band. I appreciate so much about what our community has to offer. It bears repeating that gratitude can be found anywhere. ANYWHERE! And sometimes it is the mundane tasks of life, like going to get groceries, that presents an opportunity for what I am dubbing "snowball effect gratitude." It starts small, but with a little push, it keeps growing. Following is a list of random aspects of gratitude as I was hit by the snowball on my way home from the grocery store Sunday: -a car to take to and from the store and it is in good working condition -reading ability to tell what a label or coupon says -writing ability to create a list before going -physical capability and mobility--to push my own cart, bag my groceries, take them to my car,and unload them at home -money to pay the grocery bill -coupons at my disposal to save some m...

Today I am grateful for cooler weather. It was pleasant and cool enough that we had a fire in our fire pit last evening. I am also grateful for the 4-H program our son Sam is part of. Our county fair, the Dakota County Fair, gets underway on Monday, but Saturday was judging day. Sam took three projects: photography (storm photos), shooting sports/wildlife management (about white-tailed deer), and a self-determined project (a detailed Lego Star Wars display). The participants have to discuss their project with a judge before they are awarded a ribbon. To me, that is one of the best things about the process and gives Sam and other young people good practice in face-to-face communication. Sam ended up being awarded three blue ribbons. I am proud of him and his efforts. He is proud too, and excited for the premium check that will come in the mail in a few weeks. If you are a former 4-H member, here's a quick quiz. What do the four H's stand for? Head, heart, hands, health. G...

Today I am grateful for each 24-hour-period I get. As a recovering alcoholic and breast cancer survivor, I try not to take my days for granted. I am also grateful for our dog Oliver's personality. He is such a gift to our family and that personality is one-of-a-kind. Last evening I had the opportunity to do the survivor's lap at the Hastings Bridge to a Cure, our local cancer fundraiser. I joined some of my breast cancer support group buddies for that lap, then my husband and son joined me for the caregivers' lap. It always touches me to take part in events like this. It is a chance to reflect on how deeply blessed I am and to also think about those who have died of cancer and those who are currently in treatment. Those were definitely laps worth taking.

Today I am grateful for a phone conversation with my friend Deb and also for the clarity that comes with reflection and meditation. The webinar I referred to yesterday was titled "Cognitive and Emotional Effects of Breast Cancer Study."  Dr. Shelli Kesler at Stanford led the study and the webinar. You can view the webinar at www.armyofwomen.org . From the home page, look for recent blog updates. The study looked at the ongoing effects of cancer treatment in areas such as attention, memory, depression, and anxiety. In the early days and months of cancer treatment, it is overwhelming and it can be hard to concentrate and keep a handle on tough emotions. But what about the months and years after primary treatment, like chemotherapy, takes place? I had 4 rounds of chemo (Taxotere and Cytoxan) from Sept.-Nov. of 2008. It definitely impacted my cognitive function during treatment and I believe for many months after. I felt I knew what people meant when they used the term "...

Today I am grateful for the wonderful women in the Hastings Breast Cancer Support Group, both those I am just meeting and those I have known for years now. I am also grateful to be a member of Dr. Susan Love's Army of Women. I was listening to a webinar on Tuesday regarding a study that the Army of Women helped recruit for. Here's how the army works: Women can sign up at www.armyofwomen.org to join. Women who have had breast cancer as well as those who have not are needed. You register online through a simple process. When researchers are looking for subjects, a mass email goes out and if you qualify and are interested, you can sign up. It's a volunteer army and you aren't forced to do anything. I have taken part in two studies and they both only required that I take an online survey that took about 20 minutes each time. Other studies may require samples or an office visit. The Army of Women is helping to pick up the pace of research. In the study talked about in th...

Today I am grateful for a comfortable bed to sleep in and for ceiling fans. I am also grateful I can watch history unfold at the Olympics. I have always been a fan of the Olympics and when I was young I dreamed of going to the Olympics. I wanted to go in the 800 meter dash and in softball. (Softball is no longer an Olympic sport.)  I didn't make it to the Olympics but running and softball have been integral in my life. I still run after starting about 35 years ago running up and down our farm driveway. I played softball through college and coached it for over 10 years as well. Along the way, I met many wonderful people and made many good memories. So I guess in ways my dreams did come true. I appreciated watching the U.S. women win gold in the team gymnastics competition and to watch Michael Phelps make history with medals 18 and 19. There are plenty of Olympic-themed commercials on if you are watching the coverage. I like the one of Ryan Lochte swimming to London. It's a ...