Perpetual Dissatisfaction
Today I am grateful that I recognize the value of gratitude as antidote to self-pity and perpetual dissatisfaction. I am also grateful for our dog Oliver's little quirks. There is much to love about the little guy.
Gratitude and self-pity aren't compatible. Whichever one I focus on tends to crowd out the other. My default mode used to be self-pity. It has taken daily practice over several years to shift that default to one of gratitude. But I slip back into the self-pity from time to time and Sunday was one of those times. I refer to those periods of self-pity as suffering from "perpetual dissatisfaction." Nothing is good enough and not a soul can make me happy . . . especially me.
Perfectionism and perpetual dissatisfaction are close friends. The more of one there is around, the more the other gathers too. They are both perfect set-ups for self-pity. In a nutshell, I was feeling sorry for myself because I was playing the victim role in my head. Victim of alcoholism. Victim of breast cancer. Poor me!
Enter gratitude. Not immediately, of course. I like to wallow in my self-pity just long enough to remind myself how dangerous it is. Then, I turn my focus back to how very fortunate I am, how much I have to appreciate in my life in the form of other people, health, life experiences, faith in a higher power, material goods, and much more. And very importantly, I needed to reach out to others and to also put pen to paper to help me back to the gratitude. Self-pity creates a muck and mire I can't get myself out of without assistance.
I'm not a victim. I'm an alcoholic in recovery and a breast cancer patient four years out from diagnosis. No, I can't get drunk to escape. No, I don't have my breasts anymore. But yes, I love life! That is only possible with gratefulness as regular practice.
Gratitude and self-pity aren't compatible. Whichever one I focus on tends to crowd out the other. My default mode used to be self-pity. It has taken daily practice over several years to shift that default to one of gratitude. But I slip back into the self-pity from time to time and Sunday was one of those times. I refer to those periods of self-pity as suffering from "perpetual dissatisfaction." Nothing is good enough and not a soul can make me happy . . . especially me.
Perfectionism and perpetual dissatisfaction are close friends. The more of one there is around, the more the other gathers too. They are both perfect set-ups for self-pity. In a nutshell, I was feeling sorry for myself because I was playing the victim role in my head. Victim of alcoholism. Victim of breast cancer. Poor me!
Enter gratitude. Not immediately, of course. I like to wallow in my self-pity just long enough to remind myself how dangerous it is. Then, I turn my focus back to how very fortunate I am, how much I have to appreciate in my life in the form of other people, health, life experiences, faith in a higher power, material goods, and much more. And very importantly, I needed to reach out to others and to also put pen to paper to help me back to the gratitude. Self-pity creates a muck and mire I can't get myself out of without assistance.
I'm not a victim. I'm an alcoholic in recovery and a breast cancer patient four years out from diagnosis. No, I can't get drunk to escape. No, I don't have my breasts anymore. But yes, I love life! That is only possible with gratefulness as regular practice.
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