Of Egos and What We Eat
Living gratefully today, I enjoyed coffee and breakfast with my husband Darcy earlier. I also appreciate the emotional awareness I am gaining and the guided meditations that help bring this awareness.
EGO is an "e" word that has given me some real challenges over the years. For a long time I misunderstood ego. It is defined as a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. We all have an ego. It is part of who we are.
I mistakenly defined it as someone who thought too highly of themselves, and that certainly was not me. I was missing what I have come to know as "right-sized ego." Thinking too little of oneself, and conversely, thinking too much of oneself, are each damaging and detrimental. My "wrong-sized" ego was a combination of feeling pretty worthless much of the time, but spending just as much time in my head ruminating on that self-hatred, a.k.a. thinking of myself too much.
The challenge of my unhealthy ego got me drinking as a teen with an undeveloped sense of self, and has continued to be a challenge in my years of recovery. Some of the most important and ongoing lessons I have learned in my recovery work have centered around the idea of healthy ego, which has me humble and seeking help from outside myself, guided by thoughts and feelings that are more rational than irrational.
That sure beats spinning in my head, burying emotions behind overanalyzing, and trying to "figure it out" all by myself because I think I should "know better." I strive for right-sized ego and it takes daily effort. Some days I do good work. Other days I have ego inflation or deflation. Such is the life of a human being. Wrong-sized ego paralyzes me. Right-sized ego catalyzes me.
A second "e" word is also on my mind today: EAT. I have an ongoing challenge to eat healthy. I love sweets and justify them because "at least I don't drink." (Many alcoholics have notorious sweet tooths. We craved the sugar in alcohol and what it did to our systems. Remove the alcohol and we still crave the sugar.) And I just enjoy eating in general. I have to discipline myself so I don't overdo and put on weight that will be tough on my running joints and aging body.
I send prayers and strength to those I know who face the deep challenge of living with an eating disorder. Whether it be binging, purging, anorexia, or some combination of these, it is a very powerful illness and similar to addiction in many ways. Ongoing recovery is possible. That is my wish for each of you I am holding in my heart right now.
Of egos and what we eat. How am I challenged by these today? How can discipline be a catalyst for a balance of each?
EGO is an "e" word that has given me some real challenges over the years. For a long time I misunderstood ego. It is defined as a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. We all have an ego. It is part of who we are.
I mistakenly defined it as someone who thought too highly of themselves, and that certainly was not me. I was missing what I have come to know as "right-sized ego." Thinking too little of oneself, and conversely, thinking too much of oneself, are each damaging and detrimental. My "wrong-sized" ego was a combination of feeling pretty worthless much of the time, but spending just as much time in my head ruminating on that self-hatred, a.k.a. thinking of myself too much.
The challenge of my unhealthy ego got me drinking as a teen with an undeveloped sense of self, and has continued to be a challenge in my years of recovery. Some of the most important and ongoing lessons I have learned in my recovery work have centered around the idea of healthy ego, which has me humble and seeking help from outside myself, guided by thoughts and feelings that are more rational than irrational.
That sure beats spinning in my head, burying emotions behind overanalyzing, and trying to "figure it out" all by myself because I think I should "know better." I strive for right-sized ego and it takes daily effort. Some days I do good work. Other days I have ego inflation or deflation. Such is the life of a human being. Wrong-sized ego paralyzes me. Right-sized ego catalyzes me.
A second "e" word is also on my mind today: EAT. I have an ongoing challenge to eat healthy. I love sweets and justify them because "at least I don't drink." (Many alcoholics have notorious sweet tooths. We craved the sugar in alcohol and what it did to our systems. Remove the alcohol and we still crave the sugar.) And I just enjoy eating in general. I have to discipline myself so I don't overdo and put on weight that will be tough on my running joints and aging body.
I send prayers and strength to those I know who face the deep challenge of living with an eating disorder. Whether it be binging, purging, anorexia, or some combination of these, it is a very powerful illness and similar to addiction in many ways. Ongoing recovery is possible. That is my wish for each of you I am holding in my heart right now.
Of egos and what we eat. How am I challenged by these today? How can discipline be a catalyst for a balance of each?
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