Holiday Spirits

Living gratefully today, I am noticing the beautiful peace and playfulness of holiday lights. I am paying attention to the calm in my heart, a deeper and more meaningful calm.

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate the holiday. Merry day to all.

Holiday spirits take many forms. They are the childhood memories of a toboggan full of gifts, a dollhouse I really wanted, a decade of the rosary said as a family before any gifts were opened.

They are also the memories of my son Sam's childhood Christmas mornings. Cookies left out for Santa. Early rising to see what awaits. Hours spent with Thomas the Tank Engine and Star Wars Legos.

When this recovering alcoholic hears the word "spirits" I also think about the alcohol-laced spirits that I indulged in on holidays and so many other days. There was always a reason to celebrate, a pain to ease. The gift I used to think alcohol was became a curse, and a wicked one at that.

And especially this holiday season, the grief and loss of life that came to a head in 2019 for me in a variety of ways, also brought the precious spirits of my father and sister into my heart: 

Holiday Spirits

I was wearing your Target 

khakis and thinking of Dad

too, jolly in his striped bibs. 

The first Christmas without you.

Empty and glaring loss to those 

closest to you. 

Sentimental sadness for me. 

No packages arriving, 

no card bearing your sprawling 

signature.

No phone call to catch up. 

A void now where # 6 used to be. 

And yet, I feel your spirit and see

your smile. I hear you and Dad singing and

I sense you both sending glad tidings

from a peaceful place. 

12/21/19 LHV