Habitual Gratitude

Today I am grateful for music and ears that work so I can hear the music. I am also grateful for the mood-boosting and calming effects of endorphins. I have had a week of both before school and after school meetings or other things I needed to be at. So it was out the door of our house early each morning and back in the door later in the afternoon than I would care for it to be.  Good things are happening at work, and things are getting done, but still . . . I need my time to myself and my outlets. Last evening presented just the right combination. I really felt like running. I needed to run.  Within minutes of getting home, I was back out the door and heading down the trail, first with Oliver and then solo. Some days after work it can be hard for me to muster the energy to regroup and get out running. On other days, I have an urge and a need to run that won't be denied. Last evening was the latter. Then we got to spend some time with our grandson Leo while his mom Emily...

Today I am grateful for faith, family, and friends. All are so vital in my life. Some flukes rolled with me through my day yesterday. Several of them happened at work. Things like not being able to get the wrapper off the cheese stick I was trying to make a quick snack of before scurrying off to the next task. I've had dozens and dozens of cheese sticks with no issue. Why today? Why when I was in a hurry? Because God has a sense of humor. And then there was the student phone I confiscated, per our policy. It was far from a new phone, though I didn't look real closely at first. I was trying to make some deliveries of notes to other students first. During that process, the phone I had confiscated dropped to the floor. I wondered if some of the cracks it had had been caused by the drop. I ended up having to go check with the student I had just taken it from, because I wanted to make sure I hadn't caused the harm. The student assured me it was already in that shape befo...

Today I am grateful for a better night's sleep and for take-and-bake pizza for an easy meal.  I am also grateful for time with our grandson Leo. The lessons of grace just keep coming in recent days. Consider this quote: "The winds of grace blow all the time. All we need to do is set our sails."  (Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa) Grace is always available to me, but I am not always available to it. I make myself unavailable. Am I blocking the work of grace and stalling out any hope of sailing? Or am I aiding the breeze and allowing sails to billow and carry me forward? I block the winds of grace when I overthink and overdo, when I try to manage unmanageables, when I become impatient. These are all aspects of my humanness, and they will crop up from time to time. My goal is less blocking, fewer obstacles in the way between myself and the grace that can liberate and allow me to fully live in the present. I aid the winds of grace when I slow down and focus on my b...

Today I am grateful for my recovery friends and the hard-earned wisdom and laughter shared among us. I am also grateful for a sense of calm that can be both felt and heard. Yesterday morning as I prepared to head back to work after a few days off, and as my mind cranked up with work stuff, I paused to regroup and the word "grace" came through. Grace is a very comforting word to me. It feels like the presence of a Great Spirit, God, Higher Power, who is here and cares about me, about each of us. And I don't need to earn grace. It is a gift freely given. What will I do with that gift?  Yesterday, I carried the word and the feeling with me. I wrote about it in an email to my sisters. I thought about the "grace" ring that is on my keychain, given by a friend who exudes grace. I put on a necklace that belonged to my Aunt Esther, a woman who always carried herself gracefully. As I drove to work, the phrase "paced by grace" came into my mind. Paced by g...

Today I am grateful for a nice long weekend, beautiful weather, and the idea of quiet grace in my life. "I am woman, hear me roar."  Am I referencing Helen Reddy's 1972 song that inspired many a female, or am I writing about myself and what it feels like to be a woman approaching menopause? It's both I guess. I appreciate Reddy's song, co-written by her and Ray Burton. I remember belting it out as a young girl when it came on the radio. I may not have felt as confident as the song sounded, but I certainly felt my budding femininity and solidarity with my sisters, biological and other. More recently, the "hear me roar" part could be referring to my mood swings and changing hormonal levels. Sleep disruption seems to be my most evident peri-menopause symptom, but on some days the mood swings hit hard. I have had moments in recent months where I was very close to either breaking down crying (which I typically never do) or angrily giving someone an ea...

Today I am grateful for a clean garage and a good run yesterday in the early morning solitude. I am also grateful for my dad. Every October 23, I remember my dad. He died on October 23, 1998. It is hard to believe that is already 18 years ago. I keep remembering so as to honor his life and legacy. I keep remembering to help pass on that legacy. Some things I miss when I think of Dad: -his striped bib overalls and the jokes he played on grandkids with the pockets in them -his dry sense of humor and how he called our local paper,  The Ossian Bee, "the stinger" -the way he took chances on high bids in card games and relished in it when things went his way Some things I continue to pass along, in his memory: -the work ethic he managed to balance with taking time for things like church and visiting family -keeping up on current events and being an informed citizen -making sure ice cream gets enjoyed regularly(tough job but somebody's got to do it) Regrets? -th...

Today I am grateful for our dog Oliver and his predictable presence around our house. I am also grateful for my eyesight and the glasses that improve it even more. Consider this: "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes  but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust There is not much that we individually have control of in the world around us. Just our own attitude and actions. We do shape our own perceptions. We decide what we are going to focus on, what we are going to let roll off, what we are going to give energy to. I was stuck in the rut of self-pity for years. I saw the negative in my own life's circumstances and I focused on the negatives I saw in myself. My mind's eye dulled the beauty and grace around me, while amplifying the pain I felt. The landscape of my life got uglier, I drank more, I hated myself more. When I quit drinking and then eventually started practicing gratitude, I discovered a wonderful world that ha...