2 x 4, Gratefully and Proverbially

With gratitude in my heart at this moment, I give thanks for my marriage to Darcy and for our son Sam. I give thanks for my stepchildren Arthur and Emily and their families too, including Alyssa, Aaron, and Leo.

Darcy and Sam. That gives me the idea for a 2 x 4 > 8.

I am grateful for:

1. Darcy
a. because he loves me for all I am and all I am not
b. he rolls with my hormonal changes and challenges
c. because he manages our finances/bills
d. he shows me how to regain perspective when I have lost it

2. Sam
a. because he gives me the opportunity to learn through his eyes
b. time we spend in conversation always warms my heart, for his insights and calm
c. because I find joy in making a meal with him and then eating as a family
d. I know he is ready for the next steps in his life, even when I am not sure I am

I love my family, immediate and extended. It can get messy at times, but they are always here for me.
I feel the love and support. I treasure this sense of togetherness and our future paths.

And then there's the proverbial 2 x 4, as in I need a whack upside the head, figuratively speaking. I am stubborn and too smart for my own good more than I care to admit. I continue to hurt myself and others at times. I am flawed and I mess up.  I say this all with an open mind and heart today, and that is saving me. The vulnerability and honesty are leading to new growth and transformation in what I have come to call "muddling through my midlife muck and mire."

My recovery from alcoholism and my healing from childhood lack have brought me leaps and bounds forward in my mental and emotional health. I have done some of the hardest work in my life around these challenges. And it has been the best work I have done. More recently my focus is on forgiveness, especially of myself, my shortcomings, the pain I have caused myself and others.

The proverbial 2 x 4 takes many forms. Finding a recovery note from a friend in an old book. Hearing just what I needed to hear from another recovery friend. My son showing an emotional maturity I never had at his age. A song on the radio. My mom repeating herself. Physical pain to slow me down.

Great Spirit has an army of messengers and messages that get sent my way. I am sure I miss many of them, especially when stuck in my stubborn head. On a good day though, I catch the ones that help me the most. They make all the difference and they heighten my faith and hope.

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