Silence Enables

Living gratefully today, I give thanks for the muscles, bones, tendons, and joints that help my body move. I pause for a moment, feet on the ground, to feel the stability of this body.

In this post from Monday, I wrote about "silence is violence" regarding racism, discrimination, and stereotypes that limit and prejudge.  As soon as I hit publish on that post, more thoughts came to me about silence and when it is harmful. For people who look like me, reading and talking about white silence may not be easy or something we think we need to look at. We do.

But there are also other examples of the deafening silence that enables and causes damage. Ones that we probably have each known, directly or indirectly.  The alcoholic. The abuser. The misogynist.  Their actions, words, lashing out, turning inward all allowed to continue because those around them choose to be silent. 

The silence may very well stem from fear, denial, lack of understanding, apathy, hopelessness. Not knowing what to say, we say nothing. Wondering if it is our place to raise the touchy issue, we keep waiting for the right opportunity. In the meantime people are harmed. Some even die. 

Sounds dramatic, but it's true isn't it? Several people pointed out my problematic drinking behavior and I didn't want to hear it. Each person was refusing to enable my self-destruction. Their words accumulated and eventually got me to stop denying and seek help. It doesn't mean others who said nothing were uncaring. It just means those who spoke up chose to not remain silent.

I can apply these same principles as I consider my life as a white person comfortable and complacent in my whiteness. My life in a mostly-white world has shaped me and limited me. It has made silence an easy and acceptable option. 

I no longer consider it an acceptable option. I have much to learn and my lack of awareness, my ignorance really, will take some time to dismantle. But I appreciate the work of Layla Saad and other BIPOC writers who are helping me open my eyes. I appreciate my colleagues as we enter into vulnerable discussions together. 

Here is an example from Me and White Supremacy that was a recent eye-opener for me. Acclaimed  novelist Toni Morrison wrote: "I have had reviews in the past that have accused me of not writing about white people . . . as though our lives have no meaning and no depth without the white gaze. And I've spent my entire writing life trying to make sure that the white gaze was not the dominant one in any of my books." 

She frequently got questions from journalists asking her "When are you going to write books that are not about race?" I wonder how often acclaimed white writers get that question. 

It takes an open mind and heart to make for a more understanding and compassionate open mouth.