A is for Alcoholism
Today I am grateful I survived my years of active alcoholism, and I am grateful that I understand that recovery from alcoholism is a daily endeavor.
This A-Z list of challenges starts with ALCOHOLISM. There are things that served as catalysts for my drinking... curiosity was typical, wanting to escape myself and the reality I had created in my own head, less typical. Initially I was having fun, and I certainly appreciated the release of emotions, long pent up, that came. It didn't take long for this line to ring true though: "The chains of alcohol are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." I wasn't even 16 yet.
My drinking spanned ten years, and progressed significantly in that time. I was a blackout drinker, and before I was done I had increased then deceased tolerance, brief periods of paranoia, and many attempts to quit on my own. My behavior was high-risk and my drinking dangerous. My self-hate and lack of self-care and compassion deepened with each drunk.
I don't have a lot of pictures of me drinking, and most of them are too incriminating, or embarrassing, to share anyway. Here is one that is fairly innocuous...and fairly early in the day of my sister Ruth's wedding in September of 1986. I was 21, already had had friends intervene with concern for my drinking, had tried to quit on my own and actually made it for over a year not too long before this wedding. I had started drinking again, and as I looked back years later, saw the clear progression that is evident in alcoholism.
With my usual drink of choice, beer, in hand, I was already hard at it and in the next few hours would blackout and spill numerous drinks on the front of my dress, as evidenced by what it looked like the next morning.
This A-Z list of challenges starts with ALCOHOLISM. There are things that served as catalysts for my drinking... curiosity was typical, wanting to escape myself and the reality I had created in my own head, less typical. Initially I was having fun, and I certainly appreciated the release of emotions, long pent up, that came. It didn't take long for this line to ring true though: "The chains of alcohol are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." I wasn't even 16 yet.
My drinking spanned ten years, and progressed significantly in that time. I was a blackout drinker, and before I was done I had increased then deceased tolerance, brief periods of paranoia, and many attempts to quit on my own. My behavior was high-risk and my drinking dangerous. My self-hate and lack of self-care and compassion deepened with each drunk.
I don't have a lot of pictures of me drinking, and most of them are too incriminating, or embarrassing, to share anyway. Here is one that is fairly innocuous...and fairly early in the day of my sister Ruth's wedding in September of 1986. I was 21, already had had friends intervene with concern for my drinking, had tried to quit on my own and actually made it for over a year not too long before this wedding. I had started drinking again, and as I looked back years later, saw the clear progression that is evident in alcoholism.
With my usual drink of choice, beer, in hand, I was already hard at it and in the next few hours would blackout and spill numerous drinks on the front of my dress, as evidenced by what it looked like the next morning.
I wasn't a pretty drunk. "An alcoholic in her cups is an unlovely creature." I drank many cups of beer from many kegs and bar taps. It took me to my bottom and led me to recovery. Talk about a catalyst!
Stay tuned. This "A" word will show itself more as I move through the alphabet.
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