A Series of Breakdowns

Today I am grateful for conversations with others in recovery from alcoholism/addiction. I am also grateful for a walk with Darcy and Oliver and a little football throwing with Sam.

The "Word for the Day" at www.gratefulness.org for yesterday was:

"Catastrophe is the essence of the spiritual path, a series of breakdowns allowing us to discover the threads that weave all of life into a whole cloth."

(Roshi Joan Halifax)

Catastrophes come in big and small packages. Some are obvious. Some are not. Some are universal, others are very individual and private. They each have a similar result though.

They break us down, make us vulnerable, help us see more clearly, bring gifts into focus, shatter illusions. They become those threads that can weave a beautiful cloth if we are willing to feel all the feelings and willing to ask for help from other humans and higher sources.

And there is no such thing as a catastrophe contest. At least there shouldn't be. Wearing catastrophes as a badge of honor could get old and heavy. Minimizing catastrophes because they aren't as big as someone else's only keeps us stuck in another way.

Drinking alcohol was catastrophic to me in many ways. So was looking in the mirror at the height of my self-hatred. Inhibiting the writer within was another kind of catastrophe. Cancer too has left a mark in many ways. But each of these has ended up adding some colorful and vibrant threads to the cloth of my life as well.  My toughest times defined me and pushed me to learn more about the precious and fragile nature of life. 

That is truly a beautiful thread woven throughout my days now-the present of the presence. 

A series of breakdowns, major and minor, have helped build me into the person I am today-a person I love and respect. That's a long way from the catastrophic thinking that used to plague me.