A Pair of Scars
Today I am grateful for laughter and pleasant conversations I had with friends yesterday. I am also grateful for a warm blanket, a comfortable couch, and a head massage from my husband Darcy.
Back to those painful reminders. They can be physical, like my fingertip cracks mentioned in my post a couple days ago. They can be emotional ones too. My mastectomy scars were both physically and emotionally painful early on, but I am grateful to say today that on most days I barely think of them. The physical pain healed. The emotional pain was processed. Acceptance arrived.
The two most physically painful aspects of my cancer surgeries were parentheses of pain that happened at the beginning of my first surgery and the end of my third surgery. Prior to my lumpectomy, I had a shot in my right nipple to help prepare for the sentinel node biopsy. A few seconds of intense pain I will never forget. Five months later I had my third surgery, bilateral mastectomies. Twelve days after that surgery, my drain tubes were removed. Yowza times two! I had no idea the tube parts under my skin were as long as they were. Again, only a few seconds of intense pain, but memorable nonetheless. What a relief when those were out.
Below my mastectomy scars are two sets of much smaller scars from the drain tubes. They remind me of the help those tubes provided in my healing process. They remind me of the emptying of the bulbs at the end of the tubes several times a day in the first days, measuring amounts of fluid, seeing how things were progressing. I am always grateful when I see progress. In this case, progress meant less and less fluid draining.
The days, weeks, and months after my mastectomies brought healing, a return of arm mobility, and acceptance of my new chest terrain. My scars and I got used to each other. Gratitude was not hard to find amidst all of that. Gratitude for improving arm movement. Gratitude for being done with regular visits to surgeons' offices. Gratitude for recognizing how fortunate I was to not have to deal with chronic pain like some people do. Gratitude for being alive and going on with life.
Although on many days I barely notice my mastectomy scars, they still can serve as a painful reminder of what I lost to cancer. Thankfully, it is possible to live, and live fully, without breasts.
What have your scars taught you? Onward we go!
Back to those painful reminders. They can be physical, like my fingertip cracks mentioned in my post a couple days ago. They can be emotional ones too. My mastectomy scars were both physically and emotionally painful early on, but I am grateful to say today that on most days I barely think of them. The physical pain healed. The emotional pain was processed. Acceptance arrived.
The two most physically painful aspects of my cancer surgeries were parentheses of pain that happened at the beginning of my first surgery and the end of my third surgery. Prior to my lumpectomy, I had a shot in my right nipple to help prepare for the sentinel node biopsy. A few seconds of intense pain I will never forget. Five months later I had my third surgery, bilateral mastectomies. Twelve days after that surgery, my drain tubes were removed. Yowza times two! I had no idea the tube parts under my skin were as long as they were. Again, only a few seconds of intense pain, but memorable nonetheless. What a relief when those were out.
Below my mastectomy scars are two sets of much smaller scars from the drain tubes. They remind me of the help those tubes provided in my healing process. They remind me of the emptying of the bulbs at the end of the tubes several times a day in the first days, measuring amounts of fluid, seeing how things were progressing. I am always grateful when I see progress. In this case, progress meant less and less fluid draining.
The days, weeks, and months after my mastectomies brought healing, a return of arm mobility, and acceptance of my new chest terrain. My scars and I got used to each other. Gratitude was not hard to find amidst all of that. Gratitude for improving arm movement. Gratitude for being done with regular visits to surgeons' offices. Gratitude for recognizing how fortunate I was to not have to deal with chronic pain like some people do. Gratitude for being alive and going on with life.
Although on many days I barely notice my mastectomy scars, they still can serve as a painful reminder of what I lost to cancer. Thankfully, it is possible to live, and live fully, without breasts.
What have your scars taught you? Onward we go!
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