Perpetual Dissatisfaction--Lurking Again

Today I am grateful for friends to whom I can reach out and for phones that can connect us across the miles.

I reached out to a couple trusted old friends yesterday because I was struggling with perpetual dissatisfaction. One call went to voice mail, but it was nice to at least leave a message. The second call was brief but enough to pull me out of the muck a bit. The muck of perpetual dissatisfaction. Also known as "the poor mes."

Here is a poem I wrote in December of 2010:

Perpetual Dissatisfaction

What is it
With you
Anyway?

Never enough
Time
Goal progress
Presence
Balance
Never enough

You know
Better
So do
Better

But . . .
I suffer from
Perpetual
Dissatisfaction

Perpetually
Pushing myself
Perpetually
Running out
Of time
In a day
In a week
Perpetually
Carrying a weight
Of dissatisfaction
That often
Gets heavier
But only rarely
Seems to
Get lighter

Perpetual
Dissatisfaction
Be gone

I need
Daily doses
Of gratitude
To sweep it
Aside

LV December 2010

After finding this poem and reading it I realize that I have made some progress. Yes, perpetual dissatisfaction creeps in from time to time, but it seems to get booted out by gratitude sooner, before it gets too long and strong of a hold. I have also made progress because I realize that time is not the issue, how I use and prioritize my time is the issue. I used to "have to" get my "to-do list" as done as possible before I turned to what I "wanted" to do, like write. Now, writing is a top priority, as it should be. I make time for it. Even if clothes go unfolded or some other household chore goes undone.

Progress to help slow the wave of perpetual dissatisfaction and self-pity that lurks and gathers steam if I feed it. I am learning not to feed it. For that, I am truly grateful.