A Valentine Message from a Valentine
Today I am grateful for the loves in my life: family and friends, running and writing to name a few.
Happy birthday wishes to my brother Artie today! And a thank you to him also for the time he spends showing my son Sam the farm life when we come and visit.
Today's message is my most recent "Gratitude Flow" column that runs in our local paper. Enjoy the read and enjoy and appreciate the loves in your life today and every day.
“A Valentine Message of Gratitude”
February rolls around and Valentine’s Day comes to mind. The history of the holiday is a bit muddled, but there is no doubt that today the holiday is “heartily” celebrated all across our country. The origins of the holiday may stem from both pagan and Roman traditions. There were reportedly several St. Valentines. A common story mentions a Father Valentine who secretly married couples after the Roman emperor of the time banned all marriages, wanting soldiers to focus on fighting only. Did grateful couples pass notes and flowers of thanks to Father Valentine in his prison cell before he was executed and later sainted? It makes for an interesting story.
Regardless of how it all began, by the 1840’s Valentine’s cards were being mass-produced in the United States. Today there are an estimated 1 billion cards sent, 35 million heart-shaped boxes of candy bought, and 220 million roses delivered on a typical Valentine’s Day. Retailers love Valentine’s Day, with an estimated $15-$20 billion spent each year.
In my years as a single person, it was sometimes a tough day full of reminders of what I didn’t have, of that love not yet found. With the help of my gratitude practice, I decided to think of Valentine’s Day in broader terms. I thought of the friends and family who were already in my life, who mean so much to me, grateful for their support and the fun times we enjoy together. I thought of the life I already had—a meaningful career, my health, a place and space of my own. Eventually, as fate would have it, I not only met my true love, he happened to have the catchy name of Valentine. I had planned to keep my maiden name—until I met Mr. Valentine. It is a fun name to have, but I have sympathy for my family members who grew up with the name and some teasing that went along with it. I married into it in my thirties.
Arguably, the holiday has become another example of over-commercialization. But we also probably all agree that acknowledging those we love is an enjoyable and positive idea. Why wait for a holiday though? Shouldn’t we be telling those we care about what they mean to us, how grateful we are for them, day in and day out? Like many other gifts in our lives, we too often take for granted the people nearest and dearest to us. How many of us have sad tales of “I wish I would have said more…done more…appreciated more….” Don’t wait for a tragic loss or a scary close call. Give thanks to those around you. Pausing in the midst of a busy morning for a good morning kiss, a “Have a good day” hug, or a spoken “I love you” as we head out the door are worth the few seconds it takes.
Holidays like Valentine’s Day can come with weighty expectations, and the marketing and advertising only add to it. The perfect gift. The perfect date. The perfect card. If expectations are too high, everybody falls short. People end up disappointed when actually they already had what they wanted. It is a microcosm of what happens to us all year. Too many of us buy the lie that happiness will come when we get what we want; when that promotion comes along, when we can move to our dream house, when our children find success and contentment as adults.
We lose the multitude of little gifts that come over those days that turned in to years—the co-workers who make us laugh, the family memories in the house that got too small, the wonder of watching our children grow up to be unique individuals. I am reminded again of one of my favorite quotes on the topic of gratitude: “In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Those are the wise words of Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast.
There needn’t be flowers, chocolate and cards every day, but there can be a kind word, a simple gesture, a show of support. We will never know the true origins of Valentine’s Day. We each can, however, honor the history we have with the special people we love. And we can take today to add to that history."
Happy birthday wishes to my brother Artie today! And a thank you to him also for the time he spends showing my son Sam the farm life when we come and visit.
Today's message is my most recent "Gratitude Flow" column that runs in our local paper. Enjoy the read and enjoy and appreciate the loves in your life today and every day.
“A Valentine Message of Gratitude”
February rolls around and Valentine’s Day comes to mind. The history of the holiday is a bit muddled, but there is no doubt that today the holiday is “heartily” celebrated all across our country. The origins of the holiday may stem from both pagan and Roman traditions. There were reportedly several St. Valentines. A common story mentions a Father Valentine who secretly married couples after the Roman emperor of the time banned all marriages, wanting soldiers to focus on fighting only. Did grateful couples pass notes and flowers of thanks to Father Valentine in his prison cell before he was executed and later sainted? It makes for an interesting story.
Regardless of how it all began, by the 1840’s Valentine’s cards were being mass-produced in the United States. Today there are an estimated 1 billion cards sent, 35 million heart-shaped boxes of candy bought, and 220 million roses delivered on a typical Valentine’s Day. Retailers love Valentine’s Day, with an estimated $15-$20 billion spent each year.
In my years as a single person, it was sometimes a tough day full of reminders of what I didn’t have, of that love not yet found. With the help of my gratitude practice, I decided to think of Valentine’s Day in broader terms. I thought of the friends and family who were already in my life, who mean so much to me, grateful for their support and the fun times we enjoy together. I thought of the life I already had—a meaningful career, my health, a place and space of my own. Eventually, as fate would have it, I not only met my true love, he happened to have the catchy name of Valentine. I had planned to keep my maiden name—until I met Mr. Valentine. It is a fun name to have, but I have sympathy for my family members who grew up with the name and some teasing that went along with it. I married into it in my thirties.
Arguably, the holiday has become another example of over-commercialization. But we also probably all agree that acknowledging those we love is an enjoyable and positive idea. Why wait for a holiday though? Shouldn’t we be telling those we care about what they mean to us, how grateful we are for them, day in and day out? Like many other gifts in our lives, we too often take for granted the people nearest and dearest to us. How many of us have sad tales of “I wish I would have said more…done more…appreciated more….” Don’t wait for a tragic loss or a scary close call. Give thanks to those around you. Pausing in the midst of a busy morning for a good morning kiss, a “Have a good day” hug, or a spoken “I love you” as we head out the door are worth the few seconds it takes.
Holidays like Valentine’s Day can come with weighty expectations, and the marketing and advertising only add to it. The perfect gift. The perfect date. The perfect card. If expectations are too high, everybody falls short. People end up disappointed when actually they already had what they wanted. It is a microcosm of what happens to us all year. Too many of us buy the lie that happiness will come when we get what we want; when that promotion comes along, when we can move to our dream house, when our children find success and contentment as adults.
We lose the multitude of little gifts that come over those days that turned in to years—the co-workers who make us laugh, the family memories in the house that got too small, the wonder of watching our children grow up to be unique individuals. I am reminded again of one of my favorite quotes on the topic of gratitude: “In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” Those are the wise words of Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast.
There needn’t be flowers, chocolate and cards every day, but there can be a kind word, a simple gesture, a show of support. We will never know the true origins of Valentine’s Day. We each can, however, honor the history we have with the special people we love. And we can take today to add to that history."
Hi Lisa, You know I was just wondering about the origins of this particular holiday... That's an interesting story of the possible beginnings that you shared. These days it does seem a bit commercialized, but that's what we tend to do with our holidays I guess. Regardless, it is the perfect day to reflect on all the loves of various sorts in our lives. And isn't it interesting that your true love turned out to have the name Valentine. Great that you have a gratitude flow column in your local paper. Congrats! Lovely post. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nancy! Can chocolate be too commercialized? I do try to keep perspective on what matters most, day in and day out, and it starts with a grateful pause.
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