Habitual Gratitude

Today I am grateful for avocados and sledding time with our grandson Leo.  I'm still on a squirrel kick today. They can certainly be pesky, and have irritated us more than a few times, but they are also cheap entertainment. They scurry and scamper on wires and tree limbs with a light agility I envy.  They have also gotten more than a few mentions in my blog posts, including yesterday's: The squirrels are now more obvious as they scurry across the white landscape. I watched a couple doing the work of searching for food. Different work now than it was before the snow. In the stillness, I felt a simple connection to other living things. Connections are important. This morning, I took a look out our picture window and soon noticed six squirrels. At one point four of them were in the crabapple tree in our front yard. Two more were across the street doing some foraging. It was a New Year's Eve party of a different kind. Some of you may be having a different kind of New Year's...

Living gratefully, I appreciate the opportunities each day presents. Opportunities to ponder and practice the true presence I mentioned yesterday.  There have been strange days and difficult times in 2020. For all of us. And there are silver linings. Some we may not even see yet.  One of my silver linings has been real life really asking me to stop, notice, focus, acknowledge, open to grace and acceptance. Some days it is the only thing that tethers me to some stable ground.  Let's get this straight too--true presence isn't always about experiencing joy. Sometimes it is about fully feeling the pain, fear, and uncertainty in the moment at hand. The key is embracing the emotion, because it is the genuine emotion that guides us to the next moment. Sounds pretty heady. It should be.  My word for this year has been “stillness.” A good word for the perpetual thought and action machine I can be. Yesterday some squirrels and snowflakes were my teachers. We have had two signi...

Today I am grateful for safe travels, treasured family time, birthday parades, and puppies.  On our travels, I noticed holiday decorations, lingering political signs, and also these two: Decency Matters and Just Be Kind . On the one hand, it is disheartening that we need signs to send this message and help set the tone in contentious times. Sad that we we need visible reminders of what should be typical behavior and human compassion.  On the other hand, to see the words in writing, in the front yards of two average houses, is also heartening. We are bombarded with all kinds of news, sound bites, messages. We do need reminders. If you are like me, I get busy with my day, or busy in my head, and I sometimes forget the obvious. I lose focus and attention. When it comes down to it, decency and kindness really begin with our presence in the moment. True presence allows us to listen to one another, look someone in the eyes, and hear the tone of their voice. True presence provides ca...

Today I am grateful for holiday traditions that remind us of what matters most--the people we love and the time together. And the people here in spirit, heartstrings still attached.  Yes, it's been an interesting year. Yes, the pandemic has impacted us all and put limits on what we would like to freely do over the holidays.  But . . . and it's a big but . . . Love wins. It always does. And Christmas joy reigns, even in a pandemic year.  Here are a few doses of that Christmas joy. First a picture from our holiday hearth. The bowl in the foreground a family treasure, the nutcrackers in the background a nod to our son Sam who really liked them when he was little. The lighting brings joy to me with the warm comfort it exudes.  Next, I am happy to share a poem recently written by my sister Ruth: The Anti-Hallmark Movie Quiet on the set. Did I wake trapped in a Hallmark movie? Fresh snowfall overnight Presents under the tree Cookies on the counter No Hallmark movie here. O...

With gratitude today for a sense of presence on the physical as well as spiritual levels. And for eggnog, a seasonal favorite. Here's a 2020 spin on a seasonal favorite, thanks to my sister Zita. She gave this nasty COVID virus the what-for with her word selection and wit. Thank you Zita for capturing the emotional range of this strange year so well.  You're a Mean One Mr. Virus You’re a mean one Mr. Virus, You really are not nice. You’re as cuddly as a rat, you’re as welcome as some mice, Mr. Virus. You’re a dirty blanket, filled with crawling lice. You’re a monster Mr. Virus, You dig around like a mole. You make people so afraid, your spread has taken a toll, Mr. Virus. We try not to touch each other with our six or more foot pole! You’re a foul one Mr. Virus, You’re round with lots of spikes. You have no friends and on Facebook you get no likes, Mr. Virus. Given a choice of friends, we would choose a slimy snake – Yikes! You’re a rotter Mr. Virus, You have made so many die. ...

Today I am grateful for the colleagues, students, and parents that are part of the school community I work in. I am also grateful for Grandma's chocolate star cookie recipe. Both of my grandmothers died by the time I was five, so my memories of them are minimal. The recipes are memorable though.  We ended our semester at my school and now have a couple of weeks off. A much needed and deserved break. They always are, but especially so in this time of COVID. We were in-person a vast majority of the time these last months. It has been a grueling grind on the one hand and some semblance of normalcy on the other.  The mix of emotions about it all run a wide range, and are one of the sources of exhaustion I am feeling. Another source is the daily toll of wearing masks. I am a firm believer in masks and I commend all of our students and the faculty and staff for just making them a part of our days together.  You do get used to them. But they do wear you out over the hours. I can...

Living gratefully, I offer daily appreciation for something I tend to take for granted--even in a pandemic-- my overall health. It is a gift beyond measure.  I started out on my run yesterday morning after an icy Saturday prevented it. Sunshine and clear sky greeted me and it was just what I needed after some heavy and gray days, in the natural world and in my inner world. I had one course in mind, and still had to watch my step in a few places.  As I neared the middle school a mile or so from our house, I realized that the track would be a good place to run—it was clear of ice and how often can I run on an outdoor track on December 20 in Minnesota?   I started out in lane 8 and as I headed around the track I decided to do 8 laps and work my way over to lane 1, a lane and a lap at a time.  It was a simple way to cover the next couple miles, and there was something to be said for circling the oval and reminiscing a little—on the year, and on my own track days.  A...

Today I am grateful for the book signing experience I had yesterday, and to Rick and Rose for helping make it possible. I am also grateful for the music of the Bee Gees, and the well-done documentary "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" that we enjoyed watching last evening.  I love the Bee Gees older music, and couldn't really pick a favorite if I had to. Every song on their 1976 album "Bee Gee Gold" would be on the list. The way these brothers could harmonize made their sound captivating. As a young girl and teen, I was also captivated by the good looks of Barry and the youngest brother Andy. Andy had an amazing start to his own career, but died at age 30 after addiction took a heavy toll. Addiction takes a heavy toll every day in the lives of many. For some addicts and alcoholics, today will be their last day. Their affliction will silence them. No one, addict or not, is guaranteed tomorrow. But I strive to do the work I need to do daily in the hopes that my las...

Today I am grateful for rest, even when heavy thoughts sometimes break the slumber.  If I took a poll, I bet most of us would raise our hands to this question:  How many of you have had trouble sleeping soundly on a regular basis since the pandemic began?  This week has had a deeper level of exhaustion for me. The first semester ended at my school yesterday. We were in session in the building for all but 9 school days since we started on August 19. What a grind. What an accomplishment. What a mix of emotions.  We did something a vast majority of schools in our state did not do in recent months.  I'm not sure how I feel about it all. I'm at a loss for words. Part of me appreciates what we were able to do and getting to know our students, masks and all. Part of me feels absolutely depleted from the position we were all in day in and day out.  This week my school community also lost a long-time employee, recently retired, to cancer. Dan dedicated his work life...

Today marks a cancer anniversary for me. And today I am angry at cancer. Just pretty much pissed off at the "C" word. Not my own experience so much. It wasn't easy, but my scars are more physical than emotional today,  exactly twelve years out from bilateral mastectomies. I am here, living fully.  I am one of the fortunate ones. So are my sisters Zita, Leonice, and Aileen. For now.  That is the uncertainty and fear we all live with and can't entirely shake.  Our sister Mary Jo used to be on this list. She's not anymore. There's only one way off the list . . .  I am angry that cancer continues on an insidious path of destruction.  Just like that other "C" word of late--COVID-19. The anger and fear subside as I am reminded of what really matters.  This picture was taken on February 22 of this year. It was on a bulletin board at the nursing home my mom resides in. Feels a little strange to read that sentiment now doesn't it?  We were gathering to ce...

Living gratefully today, I am appreciating the amazing scientists and science behind the development of effective COVID-19 vaccines. Messenger-RNA and advanced technology made possible the condensed timeline for these vaccines. Shots in the arm that could save many lives and get us back to some sense of normal sooner. There are dark days, weeks, and months ahead, but there is also hope. And plenty of discussion and speculation from people about their comfort level with getting the two doses needed to help build immunity against COVID-19. When infectious disease experts like Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Michael Osterholm say they will be in line when their turn comes for the vaccine, it gives me more confidence and courage when my turn comes. The divisiveness that has splintered efforts to have a united front in this pandemic will likely persist as the vaccine continues to be rolled out, but please think long and hard about what you are willing to do individually that will help us all coll...

Today I am grateful for old movies with timeless messages.  Darcy likes to watch old holiday movies in the weeks leading up to Christmas. I don't always join him in the viewing, but when he chose "It's a Wonderful Life" yesterday afternoon I did. The movie is from 1946, stars Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed, and was directed by Frank Capra. Here is the movie's description: After George Bailey (James Stewart) wishes he had never been born, an angel (Henry Travers) is sent to earth to make George's wish come true. George starts to realize how many lives he has changed and impacted, and how they would be different if he was never there. Life sidetracks George from his dreams, but also leads him to love, family, and opportunities to live by the values that mean the most to him. Many of us can relate to that. One path ends up a detour, we are sent down a new one, and we end up finding fulfillment and meaning. The pandemic has been a real sidetrack for us all this year...

Living gratefully today, I appreciate a slow pace to my morning. This is something I don't treat myself to often enough. My goal is slower pace overall, and especially in my head.   Yesterday morning as I started out on my run, I checked my pedometer to see where I was at. It showed that I was at 1950-some steps already for my day. I thought to myself “hey, it’s closing in on 1965.”  That's the year I was born. Already running, I watched my pedometer quickly go from 1965 to 2020 steps.   Wow, time flies. I considered the year I graduated, the year I got sober, the year we got married, the year Sam was born, the year I was diagnosed with cancer, this year. I sometimes wonder how I could possibly be 55 years old already??  Even this year, with the challenges we have all faced, the time has cruised on by. There are only a couple weeks left in 2020. In ways, March and April seem like a lifetime ago, and in other ways like yesterday.  I thought about my sis...

Today I am grateful for coffee, bacon, and eggs. Caffeine and protein to start the day. It's been a real grind this week in many ways. I bet it has been for you too. These are not easy times. I am thinking especially though of people who are really struggling this week . . . with their own physical,  mental, emotional, and spiritual health challenges. The loss of an adult child, a devastating diagnosis in a sibling, the pull of addiction, relatives dying of COVID, emergency surgery; the list goes on.  Add on COVID COVID COVID and the social, economic, and political strain it is putting on our communities, nation, world.  Every day, there are many of us who would rather not get out of bed, and too many who cannot get out of bed, even if they want to. It all threatens to pull us under at times.  Keep swimming, but take time to stop at your version of an island sanctuary before heading out again,  grab the life jacket someone throws your way, or be the one extendin...

Living gratefully today, I embrace the holiday traditions that comfort me and try new ones in new times. One that I am rolling with this year is wearing fun holiday socks every day to work. They make me smile and usually at some point in the work day allow me a couple more smiles. I talked to my mom over the weekend. She is COVID positive but plugging along pretty well with no noticeable symptoms. She had a minor fall a couple days ago and was unscathed for the most part. Either one of these scenarios could still play out adversely. Time will tell. Plugging along in the meantime. I pray, I send her good thoughts, I make a heart connection. And I listen when we talk. Pandemic or not, Mom is old and failing. Every time I talk to her there's a little part of me that knows these conversations are numbered. Life is precious, life is fragile. All any of us get is today. The other day the nugget I gleaned from her was "some things never change . . . and that is good." The sun ri...

Today I am grateful for the soothing sounds of a ticking clock and the keyboard letters beneath  my fingers as I tap.  Living gratefully is really as simple as pausing and noticing. Here are a few things I noticed on my brief walk with our dog Oliver this morning: *The mild December air *How that air smelled. Fresh doesn't quite capture it. *The lack of traffic. Recent months have had less people heading to work, etc. *Bright and cheerful holiday lights in our neighborhood. Plenty is noticeable each moment. The moment simply needs us to pay attention.  What is noticeable to you as you pause with kind attention? 

Today I am grateful for a second consecutive day of taking time to meditate and how that helps me start my day more calm and focused.  I wrote on Friday about misplacing this house key and keychain briefly in my befuddled morning state:  It holds special meaning for me because it was a graduation gift from my alma mater, Buena Vista University in Storm Lake, Iowa. I graduated with a Master's in Guidance and Counseling in May of 2000. My twenty-plus-year career as a school counselor has been a good fit for me, a better one than full-time teaching was. All my years in education have been fulfilling as well as challenging in numerous ways, but as a licensed school counselor, I feel my skills and talents are best put to use.  This keychain signifies my continued education as well as my profession, but it also has gone thousands of miles with me on runs, walks, and bike rides. I often hold it in my hand or looped around a finger when I run so I don't hear the jingling and feel...

 Living gratefully today, I appreciate morning quiet and some valuable meditation time. All meditation time is valuable in my opinion. So you would think I would find time for it more regularly. I'm a work in progress here. This morning I realized just how sporadic I have been with meditation. I gave myself permission to put extra time into it this morning. I use the Insight Timer meditation app and highly recommend it for anyone who wants to get started with meditation practice or deepen the practice they already have. It's free and has over 40,000 selections you can search.  I have come to appreciate the style used by teacher Sarah Blondin and tend to return to her offerings on the app. In what I listened to today, she used the term "heart coherence."  It's not a phrase I have used or heard. I will be holding it closer now.  One quickly learns in any meditation practice the importance of our breathing. Quieting ourselves and tuning into our breathing is where t...

I find myself grateful today for some random happenings that reminded me of humble and amazing grace. Here are those random happenings, all within an hour this morning: 1. I have gotten in the habit of doing word puzzles on my phone every day. Sometimes I just do the daily puzzle, and sometimes I will do several. It has become a go-to in these last months when I need to turn the volume of thoughts down in my brain. I give thanks for this simple puzzle and the exercise of healthy thinking that it helps promote.  2. As I was doing some of my targeted exercises, I rested my hands on my forehead, and the light was just right so that I could actually see the pulse in my wrist. I watched it for a moment, awed by the human body and thankful for the lifeblood flowing through me. 3. Then I got ready to take Oliver out for his walk. When I was set to leave, I couldn't find the house key we always use. I looked several places, pretty sure I had just seen the darn thing, and getting frustrated...

Today I am grateful for the continued sunshine and blue skies recently. They are helpful as we, in this Northern Hemisphere, are in our shortest days of daylight.  It's a dark end to a dark year. It's true, 2020 has been a real doozy of disappointment, loss, hardship. It's been loaded with fear, anxiety, uncertainty, unrest.  I've been writing this week about not being too hard on ourselves or one another. And while we're at it, let's not be too hard on this year either. It didn't ask to be the year of the global COVID-19 pandemic, the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis, or a very divisive campaign season in the U.S.  A couple of the toughest emotional experiences I have had this year are: -The upheaval of my son Sam's final weeks of high school and the loss of all things most exciting and earned by these young people surrounding one of the biggest, if not the biggest, event in their young lives. He had no idea when he walked out for spring break that...

Living gratefully today, I so respect and appreciate the amazing work of the scientists developing effective COVID-19 vaccines and now the production and distribution systems that are working hard to make them available to millions of higher risk people soon.  Today's post takes the "let's not be too hard on ourselves" beyond our personal spheres. Let's not be too hard on each other. Crises like a global pandemic, racial unrest, and political tensions tend to bring out both the best and the worst in all of us.  It has been easy to find targets for the judgment and disdain that is an undercurrent in my thoughts and feelings these last months. Easy, but not helpful. For me, it's all about the energy. Practicing gratitude, living gratefully, is so healthy and helpful for me because it generates good energy. Frustration and self-righteous anger drain energy. There may be times I need to speak up or speak out, but more often I just need to focus on my own attitude ...