Habitual Gratitude

Today I am grateful for "good enough" stepping in to push overdoing and perfectionism out of the way. It is liberating and I have more to learn about it.  I also continue to learn more about the richness of gratefulness and concepts like  Tragic Optimism  that I write about earlier this week. I encourage you to read the Atlantic article "The Opposite of Toxic Positivity" linked in that post, or re-read it.   The article also includes reference to and a quote from Kristi Nelson, Executive Director of A Network for Grateful Living , one of my favorite websites for reading and practices surrounding gratefulness.  I especially like what she says about the human tendency to forget previous suffering and get complacent in our present circumstances. It is one of the reasons I need to make grateful living practices part of my daily routine. The term "existential gratitude" is also mentioned in the article and is similar to tragic optimism. It means being grateful

Tragic optimism: the search for meaning during the inevitable tragedies of human existence.  This phrase was coined by psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl and is discussed in this mid-August article from The Atlantic:   The Opposite of Toxic Positivity The summary of the article reads:  Countless books have been written on the “power of gratitude” and the importance of counting your blessings, but that sentiment may feel like cold comfort during the coronavirus pandemic, when blessings have often seemed scant. Refusing to look at life’s darkness and avoiding uncomfortable experiences can be detrimental to mental health. This “toxic positivity” is ultimately a denial of reality. Telling someone to “stay positive” in the middle of a global crisis is missing out on an opportunity for growth, not to mention likely to backfire and only make them feel worse. As the gratitude researcher Robert Emmons of UC Davis writes, “To deny that life has its share of disappointments, frustr

Today I am grateful for shared conversation and quiet as my family and I enjoyed a backyard fire last evening, and the meal prepared by my son Sam and appreciated by each of us.  As I joined a few others in watching this video the other evening, it inspired this poem:  I encourage you to watch the video, titled "We are all Human--Be Kind." It is under 8 minutes long. I caution that neither you nor I let ourselves off the hook either. Whether you have ignored a homeless person or crossed the street to avoid someone who looked unstable--I have done both--it is really in our day-to-day connections that we do the most harm.  Is there a family member, friend, colleague, or student I ignore when it is convenient for me? When I don't have the energy? Is there a situation I avoid because I feel shame, fear, or because I don't know what to do? Do I take the easy way out?  These are all tough questions, and rigorous honesty reveals that I have fallen short when it comes to rem

Word for the Day  The more we are steeped in gratefulness,  the more it absorbs  us until we start to radiate it from within. Tim Roberts  Steeped: surrounded or filled with a quality or influence. Gratefulness: acknowledgment of having received something good from another. That is how Oxford and Merriam-Webster define these words. I would rather be steeped in peace and gratefulness than stress and discontent. I would rather be steeped in awe than cynicism.   It's not a constant though. Each day tends to have ups and downs. My emotions and thoughts will sometimes soothe me and sometimes agitate me. Either way, they are to be honored and heard.  Don't let Merriam-Webster's definition of "something good from another" limit you. I don't believe that is referring only to other people. For me, another can be Higher Power or Mother Nature in an all-encompassing sense. It can also mean our dog Oliver or the tall grass swaying in the breeze or the faucet that brought

Today I am grateful for the peace of morning quiet and for my physical capabilities and energy.  As I recently mentioned, looking up at the sky when I step outside is one of my gratefulness practices. We can sky watch from indoors too, but we seem to get the fuller effect when the vastness isn't limited by a ceiling or roof. I can feel the presence of Higher Power and a more boundless energy when I stand as part of that vastness.  I took both of these pictures in recent weeks. This first picture was taken from inside a vehicle. That's my reflection you see in the mirror. I've never been in a hot air balloon, but they are sure intriguing to watch and colorful to see. Being afraid of heights, especially open air like these are, I don't know that I will pursue a hot air balloon ride. But I appreciated the view and floating color of this one.  It was close enough that we could see people in it. I wondered if they were veterans or out for the first time, or somewhere in betw

Building on ideas shared in my post on September 15,  It Takes More Than "An Attitude of Gratitude" , here are some more tools I have in my living gratefully toolkit. Tool implies that it takes effort. It does. It also implies that something is being built or created. It is. The effort is fruitful and the structure beautiful and stable.  1. Meditation practices. I try to do a daily guided meditation, usually in the 10-15 minute range.  Insight Timer  is a great free app that I use. I can search over 100,000 meditation tracks by teacher, length, topic.  This practice tunes me into my breath and body, and sets me up for less cluttered thinking.  2. Besides looking up to the sky when I step outside, I also tune into my senses. What am I smelling, hearing, seeing?  It's always a buffet of sensory delights and reminders of one kind or another. Sometimes on a walk I will tune in to one sense especially and really focus on what I can pick up. Our senses are amazing, even more wh

Today I am grateful for this blog and how it has taught me to honor writing time regularly. And for all it has taught me about myself. Writing has a way of revealing us to ourselves.  This is a post I wrote six years ago today, on September 17, 2015. It is titled: Understanding What I Am  Here is a thought-provoking quote: "If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation."  (Jiddu Krishnamurti) If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you know I appreciate words that help me reflect and encapsulate what gratitude practice does for me. This quote does that. Gratitude practice has helped me see the good in myself and others much more readily. It helps me feel like I am enough, as is. The world around me is enough, as is. In this moment, in this day.  Less time spent chasing the illusion of perfection and things outside of myself means more time exploring and accepting who I am. Change does indeed occur th

For years, I subscribed to the notion of an “attitude of gratitude.” I’ve since learned that an  attitude is an orientation or a way of thinking and that “having an attitude” doesn’t always  translate  to a behavior… It  seems that gratitude without practice may be a little like faith without works – it’s not alive. Brené Brown, in her book The Gifts of Imperfection Brown's words echo my take on living gratefully. "Talk is cheap." "You can't just talk the talk. You need to walk the walk." "Actions speak louder than words." "Faith without works is dead." These phrases all exude what Brené Brown is capturing.   There is value in awareness and a shift in attitude, but those only hold if our actions also shift and new patterns of thoughts and behaviors emerge, hooking us in good ways.  For me, it did start with "an attitude of gratitude" thirty years ago. I was pretty stuck in self-pity and spinning my wheels in early sobriety. To s

Booya: a simple meat stew cooked overnight, often served in big batches at public festivals Booyah: used to express joy, triumph, exuberance; especially over a well-played or victorious moment in sports Booya was not a word I was familiar with until 21 years ago. Our first late summer /early fall living in our current community we saw signs advertising some kind of soup fundraiser for our local fire department. My husband Darcy adapted a fun way of saying booyah that in recent years has become more annoying, but a sure sign of fall anyway :-)  We often said we should try it and sometimes saw the huge kettles outside a local church as they prepared and cooked the mystery concoction. But we never got around to it. It wasn’t held last year during the pandemic, and when we saw it advertised we decided this was the year to try it. It's the 80th annual and the proceeds go to the fire department's Relief Association.  Darcy was doing his other local volunteering Saturday morning, so I

Today I am grateful for walks with my husband Darcy and for a new TV with a bigger screen. The previous smaller screen had become a strain on our eyes from certain seats in our family room. Eyesight. What an amazing sense and way to take in the world. I am grateful for eyes that work and glasses that offer refinement.  Later yesterday afternoon, I was sitting on our back patio doing some journaling. The temperature was ideal. The bugs weren’t out. Pen to paper, I was capturing thoughts, feelings, and events of the last couple weeks. This has been one of my faithful writing processes for over forty years. In this writing, just for me and just about life as I see and experience it, there is much value. Duly noting my story has always helped me more viscerally understand life and myself.  As I was at my writing, I was also once again mesmerized by the neighborhood squirrels and their antics. They were at it again too; scurrying, jumping, chasing, and even pausing. Pausing? It seems like t

Life is not about “or”—it is about “and.” It is magical and messy. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking. It is delight and disappointment. Grace and grief. Exquisite and excruciating, often at the same time. Kristi Nelson  Kristi Nelson is the Executive Director of A Network for Grateful Living and the author of Wake Up Grateful: The Transformative Practice of Taking Nothing for Granted . Both are wonderful resources to explore and return to often. These words resonate so deeply with me, and the last five especially so. I started practicing gratitude over 25 years ago, to quell the insistent self-pity that wanted me to drink again, or at least feel some relief from workaholic mode. It evolved into what I now refer to as living gratefully, a sense of gratefulness. It’s more of a mindset than a single practice. But the practices strengthen the mindset, the life perspective I try to bring to each day. Gratitude can come and go. Gratefulness stays, through thick and thin.  The default of s

Living gratefully today, I am enjoying the writing of others and cherished memories that warm my heart.  Two years ago this morning I ran my 17th and final marathon. At least I have no plans to run another one, and neither do my hips. Maybe a half-marathon, but for now my long runs are a pleasant 60-75 minutes. I want to be one of those old ladies in her seventies who is still putting in a couple miles a couple times a week and has some muscle tone. Preservation is now as important as perseverance.  I hadn't come to this full realization yet on September 8, 2019, but even if I had my smile would still be as wide. When it comes to my life's highlight reel, each of the 17 marathon finish lines I crossed, three of them next to my husband Darcy, would be on there. The whole marathon experience from first training runs to crossing that line on race day are memories I savor, tough miles and all. The medals are nice, but the most important mementos I am wearing in this photo are the p

Today I am grateful for time to rest, relax, read. I appreciate my current view: sunlight streaming through tree leaves and branches, then playing off the dew-laden grass. The little details of a moment make it richer, anchor me to the here and now more securely.  So when I noticed this detail on the Noosa yoghurt carton I was eating from, it caught my attention and brought a smile: There's plenty of creative packaging out there, but I hadn't noticed anything like this before. Curious about the makers of this yoghurt, which I find quite tasty and enjoyable, I did a little research.  The company was started by Australia native Koel Thomae and fourth generation Colorado dairy farmer Rob Graves.  The idea was inspired by the yoghurt Thomae enjoyed while visiting back in Australia, near the beach town of Noosa. The first tubs hit the farmer's market circuit in 2010, and the company grew quickly from there. It is headquartered in Bellvue, Colorado, not far from my family also li

Living gratefully today, I appreciate the cooler weather, slower pace to recent days, and daily recovery from alcoholism. I composed this poem this morning, considering the crucial work of daily recovery for the daily disease of alcoholism and addiction. Alcoholism is very cunning and powerful. It wants us to forget how deeply destructive it is and encourages us to escape in a few drinks. Conniving and convincing, it wraps itself in our thoughts and starts a downward spiral. It kills an estimated three million people worldwide each year.  Unless. Unless we grab on to the lifeboat offered, sometimes many times before we ever surrender and climb in. Before we learn that daily surrender is necessary. And so is hard work. Our own work.  Dead serious work indeed. Unlike the utter loneliness and despair of active alcoholism though, active recovery brings serious fun and amazing connections. With others. With a patient and kind Higher Power.  Liberation looks and feels like shared laughter, c