The Practice of Gratitude: A Guest Post From My Sister Danita

Today I am grateful for our grandson Aaron as he turns 4 today. Happy Birthday! We love you!

And I am grateful for this guest post from my sister Danita. Read on . . . 

The Practice of Gratitude: A Guest Post From My Sister Danita 

My sister Danita and I like to call ourselves “the bookend sisters.”  She led the parade of eight sisters and is also “big sister” to four of the five brothers. I am the youngest girl, coming along thirteen years after Danita. By the time I was old enough to register much memory, she was pretty much out of the house. Today, I treasure that recent years and shared life experiences have brought us closer than we ever were in our younger, less vintaged days. 

It is also quite fitting that Danita is writing a guest post for a blog she helped name and inspire. Back in March 2012, I was ready to leap into the blogosphere but hesitant to actually jump, unsure which way to go, and waffling on what to call my newest endeavor. Late that month, Danita used the term “habitual gratitude” in an email. Everything clicked. I had a name and a sign from the Universe to get going. So I did. Read about it in How “Habitual Gratitude” Was Born. I welcome Danita’s wisdom here nine years and some 2700 posts later. Look what you helped start sister!  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 

Before I share Danita’s guest post, I also highly encourage you to check out her blog agingwrinklesandwondersdot.com. We bookend sisters give you much food for thought. 

I am so honored to write a guest post for my sister Lisa’s“Habitual Gratitude” blog. I may be years older than Lisa, but Lisa has more years of grateful living, and I humbly accepted her invitation to grateful living several years ago. In her post on August 11, “I Keep Forgetting”, Lisa wrote about the hedonic treadmill; our tendency to return to our general level of happiness after we experience intense significant life events, whether those events are negative or positive. We usually operate in a more mundane universe. “It’s not life and death,”  we say.  “It’s not that big of a deal.”  We only remember how precious life is when we experience the deep pain of loss, when it truly is a matter of life and death. When death has commanded our attention, we experience the poignancy of our beautiful and fragile life. In these moments, gratitude is transcendent and immediate. Life is so good, we just weren’t paying attention! What happens as we get further away from these moments of reckoning? Often as our days add up, we “forget” nothing is guaranteed.  

I think gratitude can be an everyday thing. If we choose gratefulness, we will discover it belongs in the now, the moments of every day. We humans have a “habitual” way of behaving. This is “what a person does often, repeatedly and regularly.” The habit of gratitude, habitual gratitude, is then not a rare occurrence but is practiced often, repeatedly, and regularly. We are also positively reinforced for noticing the gifts around us often, repeatedly and regularly. We feel better when we are grateful. The facts of our lives may not change, but we change.

Living gratefully requires us to pay attention, but first we must decide what it is we want to pay attention to, and then practice that attention. I could marvel and be grateful for how fast my internet connection is with broadband, or take a moment to appreciate the scent of my soap as I shower; but we have things to do, too many things to do, to take the time to focus on what we take for granted or what is good in our lives. When do I get my oil changed and schedule the kids’ doctor and dentist appointments? We have to get these things done and we can’t take our eyes off the ball. We are paying attention, but only to what we need to get done and not paying attention to the good and beautiful in our lives. We are too busy to be grateful!  Too often we bow to the God of Busy.

The research is conclusive: grateful people are happier and healthier. Many studies on gratitude and happiness support this statement. It makes sense that those who see and feel the good in their lives will be happier than those who don’t. Practicing gratitude is not about being a Pollyanna, denying the bad in our lives and covering our ears and whistling. We are grateful in spite of the painful and negative things in our lives. Dare I say these difficulties can ultimately deepen our gratefulness? 

What can we do to practice gratitude, to take this pie in the sky concept into our everyday life? Practice: to do something again and again in order to become better at it, or : to do (something) regularly as an ordinary part of your life. We don't play with the symphony or win Olympic gold without years of practice. I’m a novice at gratitude, so I use some practical reminders and props to remind me to be grateful. I set alarms on my phone to remind me to pause and name 3 things I’m grateful for when the alarm sounds. I have a gratitude journal sitting on my coffee table. It’s in my sight all day so I’ll remember to write down 5 things I appreciate. My biggest gratitude coach is Lisa with her blog, the gratefulness gatherings she facilitates, and gratitude prompts on her voice mail and emails.

As I get older I find it easier to be grateful because I recognize life is finite and I’d rather live in appreciation than depreciation. The other day I was filling my glass with water and it occurred to me what a miracle water is. It freezes, condenses, melts, boils, steams and is essential to life. H2O hardly represents the miracle of water. As I continue to practice living gratefully, I know I will grow more in awe of the everyday. I truly have many things to be grateful for, not the least of which is my loving sister Lisa. Thank you, Lisa.