Why did we quit drinking?

Today I am grateful for good pizza at a place in a neighboring town. We hadn't tried it before, but we know now that we'll go back for more.  And I am ever appreciative of my connections to others in recovery. They help me stay grounded, and are often connections for me to my Higher Power. 

Yesterday a few of us were pondering this important question: Why did we quit drinking?  

The short answer is that we weren't very good at it, or too good at it, depending on how you look at it. We were making a mess of things and becoming more of a danger to ourselves and those around us. The consequences were ramping up. DWIs and divorces. Hospital stays and hopeless nights. That dangerous mix of feeling worthless and a fair amount of self-hate, while simultaneously convincing ourselves we can figure this out on our own. 

We didn't want to lose more. We were afraid to die, or kill someone else. We couldn't figure out how to drink normally. We never had, so why would we now?  The collective wreckage of our drinking pasts, even among the few of us, was significant. Battered and bruised, bitter and blacked out. 

Walking miracles. That is what we each are. Being reminded of the many close calls, the deep pain, the utter hopelessness, is all helpful and necessary. It motivates us to continue the daily work for our daily disease. 

We often hear: "Don't ever forget your last drunk." and "The further you are from your last drunk, the closer you are to your next one." Such wisdom in this caution. Thank you to my fellow recovering friends and my Higher Power for the refresher on just how "infinitely grave" our drinking and the accompanying thoughts and behaviors were. 

Today, I choose recovery over a drink, my Higher Power over my own unhealthy ego.