U is for Under . . .

Today I am grateful for the way the frost sparkled on the trail in the street light as I walked our dog Oliver this morning, and that I am able to see, walk, be safe outside in the early morning.

Special birthday wishes today to my stepdaughter Emily! Happy 24th and have a special day! Oh how quickly the years have gone since I met you on your 3rd birthday.

"U" is for under... First, I was under the influence of alcohol and the effects it brought. Then I was under the covers in denial and white knuckle sobriety. And eventually, I started to get an understanding of the disease of alcoholism and the hold it had on me in my active drinking days, as well as the hold it still has on my thinking.

Alcoholism manifests as an emotional and mental disease as much as it does a physical one. I haven't physically taken a drink for quite a few days, but I regularly still pick up alcoholic thinking. Understanding the disease is vitally important to ongoing recovery. That doesn't mean I have answers or have it "figured out." It means I have help and strategies to stay on the right track. I just have to pick them up, use them, reach out.

And when I do that, amazing things happen. Mostly amazing little things. Sometimes, amazing big things. I seriously underestimated what recovery can bring. Grace and gratitude. A Great Spirit I trust and have faith in.  Fellow recovering alcoholics and "normies" who listen, encourage, and love me unconditionally, as well as tell it to me bluntly when I need to remove my head from a certain place. It has all taught me to also love myself unconditionally. That's a love story like none other.

I underestimated the figurative and literal miles a body, mind, heart, and soul can travel from the depths of despair to the soaring heights of being comfortable in one's own skin. A day at a time, the journey continues. Onward!




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