Habitual Gratitude

Today I am grateful for my recovery friends and the genuine life stories and laughter we share. I am grateful for this day of sobriety. I begin my recovery fresh each day. In ways, this is a break from the A-Z list I am moving through, but it really is about perspective, so I guess it is still a "P" word. Today is the last day of 2019, and the last day of the decade that began on January 1, 2010. Reflecting on this past year, what emerges are the tears. I cried more tears this year than ever before. They were tears of sorrow, pain, regret, loss, fear, lack. And also tears of catharsis, joy, connections, comfort, worthiness. The tears flowed, helping me get unstuck from midlife mire. They brought clarity and direction for the day ahead, the year ahead. I say thank you to each one that fell. Tears of gratitude.Tremendous transformation through tears, time, and effort. Reflecting on this last decade, what emerges are images of my son Sam. Nearly eight years old as the de...

Living gratefully today, I notice the smell and taste of some seasonal eggnog and the feel of coolness on my skin after a workout. I have a couple other "P" words in line for posts for my A-Z list, but this morning the word that is speaking to me is PRESENT.  Being right here, right now. Staying in the moment. Focusing on my breathing, in and out, inhale, exhale. Checking into thoughts and feelings without latching on to either. Just acknowledging. Readers, there's a reason this topic of presence, attending to now, keeps showing up here. To continue writing about it, really writing of any kind, is action that brings me fully into the current time. Being fully present is simple, but not easy. It is an ongoing challenge for me, but a challenge that I embrace and keep working on. It matters. A ton. As Dr. Shauna Shapiro heard from a monk when she needed, and was ready, to hear:  "What we practice grows stronger."   Practice presence and it comes more natura...

Today I am grateful for the family treasures I have kept over the years, and for the space to store them and keep them safe. I also appreciate the guidance that early morning meditation provided me to start this day. A second "O" word of challenge has been sitting on my brain the last couple of weeks, and I am a little fired up about it this morning. Here I go with OPTIONS. Excuse me, but I need to make room for my soapbox. . . What the heck is going on with all the options facing us in the grocery stores of the developed world? Do we need that many different flavors and kinds of chips to consider before we purchase one?  Is it necessary to have dozens of different cereals in the cereal aisle?  We didn't go hungry growing up with Wheaties, Cheerios, 40% Bran Flakes, and Chex. Sure it's nice to be able to customize shoes, cars, furniture and to select a color combination from a variety of options. It feels a little exorbitant to me though. There's a real fir...

Living gratefully today, I appreciate city services like water and sewer, and garbage pickup too. I give thanks for electricity and indoor plumbing, which I usually just take for granted. I also take my eyesight for granted. Sure, I have some OPTIC issues, but I have the blessing of opening my eyes each morning and seeing the world around me. I had 20/20 vision until I hit my mid-twenties and have been wearing glasses ever since. I don't mind wearing glasses and usually like the look they give me. My correction isn't significant and contacts aren't something I care to try. I could still manage to do the important tasks in front of me without my glasses, but feel funny without them. I have progressive lenses now, with three levels for close reading, near, and distant. Everyone in my own family has optic issues. Darcy wears glasses, Sam wears contacts, Arthur has worn both, Emily has glasses. We appreciate our vision insurance, access to quality comprehensive eye exams,...

Today I am grateful for the positive ways our phones can connect us, and for the fun games that can be played with a few dice. NATURE is the word of focus for today. The challenges that nature and the environment face because of all the world's development and advancement are daunting. There are wonderful things about that development, and there are horrible things. Pollution. Erosion. Global warming. Less water. Less respect for and less connection to our natural world also seem to be stemming from this high level of technology and convenience that so many of us have at our fingertips. This is only my opinion, but I have witnessed it in many ways. We humans seem to have an audacity that convinces us that we will figure out these pressing environmental issues, find more renewable energy sources, be able to continue our high level of consumption (and waste). Who is the "we" though?  Are you doing your part to reduce, reuse, recycle?  Are you doing your part to care f...

Living gratefully today, I am noticing the beautiful peace and playfulness of holiday lights. I am paying attention to the calm in my heart, a deeper and more meaningful calm. Merry Christmas to all who celebrate the holiday. Merry day to all. Holiday spirits take many forms. They are the childhood memories of a toboggan full of gifts, a dollhouse I really wanted, a decade of the rosary said as a family before any gifts were opened. They are also the memories of my son Sam's childhood Christmas mornings. Cookies left out for Santa. Early rising to see what awaits. Hours spent with Thomas the Tank Engine and Star Wars Legos. When this recovering alcoholic hears the word "spirits" I also think about the alcohol-laced spirits that  I indulged in on holidays and so many other days. There was always a reason to celebrate, a pain to ease. The gift I used to think alcohol was became a curse, and a wicked one at that. And especially this holiday season, the g...

Today I am grateful for thoughtful gifts from others and that I have people in my life to whom I can give thoughtful gifts. I may struggle with memory at times, but there is one word burned into me that I am not likely to forget...METASTASIS. Metastasis: the spread of a disease-producing agency (such as cancer cells) from the initial or primary site of disease to another part of the body. Plural: Metastases. I feel a special compassion for those facing the death and absence of a loved one for the first time through this holiday season. That includes my brother-in-law Clay and his daughters Whitney and Rena and their families. That includes my siblings and I. Our sister Mary Jo died in June of breast cancer that had metastasized to her bones, and lungs, and likely her brain near the end of her life. I think especially of Mary Jo and Clay's seven grandchildren who will only have memories of their Nana this holiday. How will they honor her? My family and I honored her memory the...