Habitual Gratitude

Today I am grateful for my feet and where they carry me, indoors and outdoors. I am also grateful for the winter gear that helps me safely and comfortably move outdoors this time of the year. Two "R" words are on my mind this morning for my list. Resenting and resolving. Resenting is treacherous territory for those in recovery, and really for anyone who wishes to know peace. If not recognized and released, resentments can lead back to a drink. If not a drink, ongoing pain and a pity party for self. Enough time in that state, and many will look for the soothing substance that used to numb them. Or they will keep blaming others, remain unforgiving, and stay stuck. Letting go of resentments requires work, some of the hardest work to be done in recovery. Honesty. Fully feeling and accepting. Letting go and moving forward. This won't likely surprise anyone who knows me, but my biggest resentment in life has been directed at ---me, little old imperfect, flawed, selfish me. ...

Today I am grateful for good songs and working ears to listen to them. I am also grateful for the different pace to days when on a break from work. "Q" on this recovery A-Z gratitude list is for quality over quantity. There are times when quantity may count more than quality, but I can't think of a good example now and it certainly is not the case when it comes to recovery from alcoholism and addiction. Yes, it is important to add up days, weeks, months, and more when it comes to continuous sobriety. It is the only way to learn the lessons of recovery that will allow for lasting health. But if all a person is doing is adding another day of being white-knuckle sober, another day of "I'll show you I can handle this," that is not quality. That is survival, that is existing. Existing was hard enough when I had escape into the bottle from time to time. Take away the escape and existing becomes more miserable, unless I am healing and constructing the life I ...

Today I am grateful for safe travels, pleasant time with extended family, and an enjoyable holiday in our own home. I have never been one to get too caught up in presents around Christmas time, those I receive and those I give. It is only a part, not the main part, of this holiday. Presence is valued over presents. Yesterday, though, I got an idea for a present I wanted to get myself and hadn't thought seriously about in years. Too busy. Too little time with too many other projects to work on. Too cluttered in my head and heart. So when I got an urge to do a jigsaw puzzle, I went with it. Selection was limited, so I got a six-pack of puzzles and am well under way with my first 500-piece challenge. A six pack of puzzles or a twelve pack of beer?  The choice is easy today. The puzzles pull me in for a healthy break from everything else. Tiresome thoughts ad expectations shut down as I zero in on the next piece to be added to a growing picture. I am looking forward to how many...

Today I  am grateful  for early morning conversation with my husband Darcy and for anticipation of family time and a break from work. The word of the day on this "A-Z living gratefully in recovery" list is OBSTINATE. It is defined as: stubbornly refusing to change one's opinion or chosen course of action, despite attempts to persuade one to do so; very difficult to change or overcome.  Synonyms include:  stubborn, inflexible, bullheaded, self-willed, headstrong, recalcitrant, unmanageable, rigid, unrelenting.  Alcoholism  is an obstinate disease and alcoholics actively using or on a dry drunk are pretty darn obstinate as well. Don't tell me what I should do. I can handle this myself. I'm strong enough. I'm right. I'm wrong. So wrong.  You get the idea?  So it is better for me to consider antonyms to obstinate: surrendering, willing, flexible, yielding, cooperative, obedient . These all help me ...

Today I am grateful for my son Sam and the person he is. I am also grateful for the energy of middle school students nearing a holiday and a break, and that I can meet that energy with my own. "Never" is one of those absolutes that need to be used carefully. Never say never. If newly sober drunks heard “NEVER drink again” as the key message of recovery, many would probably never give recovery a fair shot. Never drink again?  That doesn't seem feasible in early sobriety, when drinking has been a go-to escape and survival method for too long. Don't take a drink today? That may be possible. Just for today. And with help and support, ways to get an alcoholic or addict out of their most dangerous place--their own minds. A "never" I am comfortable using is "never stop working on recovery." Alcoholism is a patient and subtle foe. Daily work for a daily disease. Don't take a drink today. Do some work in recovery. Let go. Accept. Feel emotions. ...

Today I am grateful for the ease of phone calls and how they keep me connected to family and friends across the miles. I am also grateful for eggnog as coffee creamer during the holiday season. Magnificence. What a spectacular word, a large word. Glorious. Notable. Wonderful. Striking. It is a word that would have garnered some contempt in my actively alcoholic mind. Magnificence? What do I know about that? When will I ever see it? The deep and dark pit of alcoholism doesn't let much light in, much less any awe or magnificence. A most striking feature of quality recovery is that such feelings and experiences as a glorious elation and a notable moment of clarity are possible. It takes time, effort, and plenty of support from others and a Great Spirit, but climbing out of that dark pit is possible. One of my drinking poems captured this effort prior to recovery. I would get close to the top of the pit, almost ready to throw a leg over and get out. But someone would step on m...

Today I am grateful for what healing can bring. It takes work, and it comes in various forms--physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual--but it makes all the difference. I am also grateful for the presence of loved ones and a loving Great Spirit in my life. Today's word is lonely. A truly dangerous word for alcoholics and addicts. If we are lonely, we drink, we use, we get sicker. Some of us eventually die, alone. Alcoholism is very selfish. It wants all of the person. The disease wants to isolate you and get you to depend only on alcohol. Then it turns on you. And the loneliness is like none ever experienced. It is piercing and painful and it begs for a drink to ease the discomfort. It continues to beat and batter, and we continue to drink. The isolation and our own sick thinking close us off from hope even more. One of the many amazing gifts of recovery, and absolutely necessary for ongoing growth and continued sobriety, is gaining a sense of belonging. I am not alone Th...