At A Loss

Today I am grateful for rest, even when heavy thoughts sometimes break the slumber. 

If I took a poll, I bet most of us would raise our hands to this question:  How many of you have had trouble sleeping soundly on a regular basis since the pandemic began? 

This week has had a deeper level of exhaustion for me. The first semester ended at my school yesterday. We were in session in the building for all but 9 school days since we started on August 19. What a grind. What an accomplishment. What a mix of emotions. 

We did something a vast majority of schools in our state did not do in recent months.  I'm not sure how I feel about it all. I'm at a loss for words. Part of me appreciates what we were able to do and getting to know our students, masks and all. Part of me feels absolutely depleted from the position we were all in day in and day out. 

This week my school community also lost a long-time employee, recently retired, to cancer. Dan dedicated his work life to our school, starting his employment there when he was still a high school student. Nearly four decades later, he retired last March. We couldn't even throw him the party he deserved because of COVID. 

Dan was such a genuine person. He was always patient and kind, and I never felt tension around him. He had a very hectic job many days, but he always had time to answer your question or give you what you needed. There was often laughter too. Dan loved life and he had passions outside of work too. He went quickly as advanced colon cancer got the upper hand. 

We heard early in the week that they had stopped treatment and he had gone home to die. He died on Thursday. Dan was my age. Class of 1983. I got angry at cancer as I considered Dan's fate. Cancer sucks. Life is not fair. 

Rest in peace Dan. My deepest sympathies to your family and friends. 

I'm at a loss. Exhausted. Saddened. Depleted. But I am here. There's something to be said for that.