The Pain of Being Marginalized

Today I am grateful for the beautiful early morning sky and birdsong that are greeting me now.

Last week I wrote a post about being marginalized. It included these words:

Let’s each ponder this in our hearts as we consider our own life experiences. Where and how have I been marginalized? Give it some time. It may mean going to some difficult places, pulling up some unpleasant and uncomfortable pain. Pain that is rooted in someone else or a group minimizing our existence, our feelings, our humanity.

Go there. Sit there. See what you find. We have all been marginalized at one time or another. 

I sat with it, gave it time. How have I been marginalized? As a little girl who was more a tomboy and athlete than a dress up and be pretty sort. As a young woman who didn’t wear makeup, had short hair, lacking confidence on the one hand, a little defiant on the other. I was both proud to not be a girlie-girl and wishing I could be more of one. 

I was overlooked in my “plain Jane” approach. One of my marginalizers was me, I know that now. Because of how I felt inside, because of my inhibited sense of self, my beauty was stifled. Not because of what was or wasn’t on my face or body, but because of what was heavy on my heart and soul.

Active alcoholism and then recovery. Marriage and motherhood. They all brought me to a much better place in my heart and soul. My face and body radiated my womanhood in new and comfortable ways.

Then breast cancer came along. Though I have never regretted my decision to have bilateral mastectomy without reconstruction, using prosthetics some of the time, going flat some of the time, it also brought marginalization. Breasts are a part of feminity, but in my opinion our culture gives them an overly-objectified importance that actually cheapens them.  

“I am not less of a woman, just a woman less her breasts.”  I am deeply proud of these words, my words, that came to me as I grieved and healed in the months and years after my cancer treatment and surgeries.

I embrace my entire history. From the young tomboy to the flat-chested middle-aged woman I am today. 

It’s quite a journey. This life experience. The pain of being marginalized, by myself and others, has brought me here. More marginalizing will happen in my life, but it won’t be done by me.