Sporadic

Today I am grateful for my husband Darcy and our marriage. We celebrated our 22nd anniversary with an enjoyable day trip yesterday. I am also grateful for the safe travels and the beautiful countryside.

Nature's beauty is a constant. My gratitude practice is a constant. The word that is coming to me this morning though is sporadic. Sporadic is defined as occurring at irregular intervals, scattered or isolated. 

My emotions have been a sporadic range in these last months. I guess it's good that the despairing ones--fear, worry, trepidation, grief, confusion, resignation, and the like aren't constants. And I will take what I can of resilience, strength, gratefulness, hopeful, and inspired when they come. 

I treasure the joy that scatters itself in the simple things. Playing a little football with one grandson and hearing the voice of the other. A shared meal with my husband and son. Writing motivations and aspirations that are bringing me to new territory. Connections with my recovery friends and the constancy of a Great Spirit who doesn't walk away from me even when I walk away from the available faith. 

Sporadic preparation for the upcoming departure of our son Sam to his freshman year of college. Getting necessary items, taking care of appointments and paperwork, feeling the excitement, and then the trepidation and uncertainty that would have gripped me in normal times, but that grabs me more strongly in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic. 

Sporadic bursts of energy and bouts of "stay in bed with the covers over my head." Sporadic meditation efforts that help calm me and bring focus back. Sporadic pauses to watch squirrels play or listen deeply to the most moving words and music of my favorite songs. 

Scattered joy and isolated peace are better than none. Even in sporadic bursts, I trust that faith, gratitude, and grit will keep me moving forward.

Speaking of sporadic, my posts may be a little more sporadic over the next weeks, including a break into early next week.

Scatter some smiles and hellos. Isolate some real sources of gratefulness in your life at this moment. 

They matter. We matter. Today matters. Onward!