Alive with Tears

Living gratefully today, I appreciate the love and support of family and friends, and a patient and loving Higher Power, at a most difficult time.

My sister Mary Jo, age 61, died of metastatic breast cancer on the morning of June 16, Father's Day 2019.  I take some comfort in believing Dad helped Mary Jo reach a place of peace. She has known so much pain, fear, and suffering. She now has the peace I prayed for her to have for so long.

She is survived by her husband Clay, daughters Whitney and Rena, two sons-in-law and seven grandchildren. 

And I have an emptiness. A gaping hole that I haven't experienced before. I have been grieving for Mary Jo for a long time, as her cancer progressed and her physical health weakened. This is a new and different feeling of loss. 

I posted this picture below in April of 2018, after my seven sisters and I spent some precious time together in Colorado. 

My hand is the one with the green bracelet. From there, clockwise and in age order are Ruth, Zita, Leonice, Ann, Mary Jo, Aileen, and Danita.  It was the last time all 8 of us were together. There is now a gaping hole. 

Our five brothers, Mom, and a wide extended family join Clay's extended family and many friends in grieving Mary Jo's death. I have shed many tears, as reminders call them forth, a song plays, a memory takes hold. 

I have been alive with tears since I received the news Sunday morning. Alive. Fully alive. Full of pain and grief, and yet a calm peace comes at times. I hope that is what Mary Jo's peace feels like, and more. 

Mary Jo is free in a new way. As I drove yesterday afternoon, alive with tears, I noticed an eagle soaring. I thought of Mary Jo and freedom from pain and suffering, freedom from an earthly vehicle that was ready to be done. Freedom to move into a new place of peace and comfort.